I find that many girls have some psychological barriers to interacting with guys that are afraid of contact, which is actually a specific form of social phobia. Seeing a man creates an irresistible tension, even like a mouse seeing a cat, and is a male phobia.
“People” will panic if they are too close, and they will look forward to it if they are too far away
I have a girlfriend named Xiaowen, who is 29 years old and works as a manager in a bank. She has a good job and is very pretty, but she always told me that since she was 25 years old, many people were asking her if she had a boyfriend. If she didn’t answer, people would be surprised and say “How can you not have a boyfriend!” When she heard these words, she felt speechless.
In fact, she has tried dating in the past, and she has tried dating guys, but she finds that if she gets too close to them and breaks the “social distance”, she gets nervous and panicky for some reason.
On one occasion, her date held her hand at the dinner table, and she reflexively took it out, even shaking, startling the other party and making both parties very embarrassed.
In fact, she really wanted to get along with these men in her heart, but couldn’t get along with them. She felt she hadn’t met anyone she really liked yet, and felt she was too young to look any further, so she put the idea of an early relationship on the back burner. Only when she came back to find she was 29 and about to enter her 30’s did she realize it was time to get serious about getting off.
As a friend, I also wanted to help her, so I introduced her to Miss Big Bear, a senior consultant in this area of the company.
I don’t know how many girls are still the same as before, waiting for someone to introduce them, arranging a blind date, or waiting for the “right person” who doesn’t know if they will appear, but happiness is actually something you earn, and the probability of waiting is really small.
The reason why “good” girls are single is not because they are “too picky”
After understanding Xiaowen’s situation in detail, Ms. Xiong analyzed for her the problem of “why she can’t get along with men. “
Xiong’s family is a traditional family with “strict father and loving mother”.
The family is a traditional family with a strict father and a loving mother, so Xiao Wen did not have a good “intimate relationship” with her father since she was a child, and she was always “separated”.
The subconscious thought that “men are unapproachable”.
In addition, during her adolescence, her parents gave her guidance to prevent her from “falling in love early”, which deepened her rejection of “men”, thinking that “as long as I have contact with men, it will affect my future/bad things will happen. Something bad will happen.”
Male phobia is really a fear of social phobia, which basically comes from shyness. The patient’s mindset is the same no matter how old they are, it’s just different for each person and interpreted differently. There is shallow psychological shyness and deep psychological shyness; there are those I know and those I don’t know.
To put it bluntly, Xiao Wen’s case is “fear of men”, which is actually a very common phenomenon.
The first time I saw a girl, I saw a girl, and I saw a girl. To put it bluntly, it is “too foreign to the feeling of having a man around”. If they are not known, they will be afraid.
Fear is a psychological process, but it necessarily affects the physiological function, so nervousness, sweating, palpitations, shortness of breath, trembling all follow, and blushing is the easiest phenomenon to manifest. These reactions are actually manifestations of anxiety. In order to get rid of anxiety, avoidance and escape are the only means.
Here’s a special point: it’s a very wrong idea to say “no to men because you haven’t met someone you like”.
Because you “don’t reject” a man, it only means that there is no “aggression” to make you “alert” to the other party. “
The first thing you should do is to think that you are not going to be able to get a good deal.
For example, you put a protective net on the outside of your heart, and one day the power goes out and someone comes in.
So, in this case, you have to exercise normal judgment and not project your “excessive fantasies” onto the other person. You really may not be suitable.
The current situation of Xiao Wen requires the teacher to take her to a “desensitization experiment”. It is a slow process to learn to “accept” so that Xiao Wen can begin to reach out to “boy babies” who do not feel “aggressive”.
The first step is to build up a sense of cute and warm “boys” and then gradually increase the age of the “contact”.
Then, from lighter to heavier levels, actively touch the fearful object repeatedly, relaxing the muscles as the fear arises, until the tension of fear is removed. After the lighter level of the object has been adapted, the next level is performed, and so on. A grade is about a week or longer. This behavioral adjustment cannot be done too quickly and must be adapted to the previous level before proceeding to the next.
As long as we can make good cognitive and behavioral adjustments, we will no longer be plagued by “man phobia” and will be able to interact naturally with guys and live a normal, good life.
After one semester, when Xiao Wen was able to get along with teenage boys (relatives and children), her “fear of men” was largely eliminated.
She has adapted to the feeling of “having boys around” and has become proactive, starting to reach out to the suitors around her.
Now, “getting off” is no longer a problem for her.
Our analysts at the Institute mentioned this in our own workshop:
For many girls, it’s really a problem.
Simply put – it doesn’t fit.
“I’m not comfortable with having a man around me. Being single makes me more comfortable.”
“I don’t want to play the other guy around men. Does he like me or does he like the guy I’m playing with? I want to find a man who will accept me for all of me.” .
Think about it, are these excuses: are you looking for excuses to “fear relationships” and passively “wait” for love to fall into your lap?
The reasons for social phobia and fear of men are:
1.
If you can’t “adapt” to the presence of a man, and this presence is foreign to you, then you will “reject” the man from the bottom of your heart, and the man will naturally feel that he is not “accepted” by you.
So how can a normal man be with a woman who hates him, except for a man who is shameless or has an ulterior motive?
And your “rejection” is a “system”. If you are around to “reject” him, you won’t think about how to attract them and get along with them, you will “unconsciously” and “screw up”, and your relationship will fall into:< br br>
In a state of rejection/inability to get along with guys-getting out of order is naturally a long way off, so how do you break the single curse of “not fitting in with the men around you”, how do you break these social fears, desensitize yourself, attract him, and get him to actively contribute to your relationship? How do you break the single curse of “not fitting in with the men around you”, how do you break these social fears, desensitize yourself, attract him, get him to actively promote your relationship, and get out of order?
You can add an assistant counselor twitter and find a teacher to help you overcome your “social fears” and “discomfort” and have a sweet relationship~
Many girls are obviously very good in every way, but
They are always single.
After all, the other side will always say they lack feelings.
In fact, the feeling in the man’s mouth is that this girl is not bad overall, or this girl has one or two qualities that attract me, maybe those smiling eyes, maybe a warm temperament, maybe that shallow dimple, the feeling of that moment will hit him.
So women must learn to know themselves and use their unique feminine strengths to attract your guy.