1. Not only are teachers “biased,” but life is biased too
I didn’t want to start off with something so disgusting, but as an adult who has been confused, made mistakes, messed up, broken down, run away, failed, watered down, and still managed to get, be, and eventually be self-actualized, I thought I’d put it first. If I had to write some life tips for young lives that are growing up, I’d put that first.
To put it mildly, when we’re young, we always think of “eccentric” as a bad word, and we always think that the eccentric person is really annoying, and frankly, I used to think that too. But then I slowly realized that life is full of eccentric moments, so I’m not saying this to make people think of “eccentric” as the norm, but rather that as I grew up I was no longer hostile to the phenomenon of “eccentric”.
The company’s main goal is to provide a better solution to the problem of the problem.
Since I can’t change the rules of the game of eccentricity, I made myself too powerful to be ignored and became the one to be eccentric.
Stop complaining about eccentricity. Usually only the side that isn’t treated with eccentricity complains about eccentricity, but the real eccentrics are enjoying it in silence.
This is life. There is good and bad, and sometimes your bad is someone else’s good, which is often the case.
Children complain, adults plunder.
Figuring out how to qualify yourself to have that good too is much more useful than complaining.
2. Being generous is not pretending, being generous is being open
When I was eighteen, I wanted to be a generous girl, not afraid in any situation, not easily ruffled by a little thing or for an unimportant person, not easily angry, not casually emotional. The first time I saw this, I was able to pretend that I wasn’t afraid, that I wasn’t angry, that I wasn’t emotional, but I couldn’t fool my heart into thinking “I’m not generous enough, I’m not big enough”.
I didn’t know for a while how to be a woman who could say “I don’t care”, who could speak up about her unhappiness, and who didn’t mind a lot of trivial things from the bottom of her heart. I was stuck for a while.
But right now, I’m proud to say that I’m living the life I wanted to live at 18. I can be cool, I can be gentle, I can be independent, I can be cute with the people I like, and most importantly, I can finally be generous in many things.
I realized that being generous is not an act.
Being generous is being open and honest, telling you I like it when I like it, not forcing myself to be generous when I feel offended and unhappy, but telling the other person, “I’m unhappy because of this thing you did.
Being generous doesn’t mean that you can always be lighthearted, but that I can be lighthearted most of the time, and on the few things I do care about, I allow myself to be lighthearted. Choose to be genuine, allow myself to be less than decent, allow myself to show weakness, allow myself to show others that I’m competitive, allow others to see the side of me that I care a lot about.
In a world where being genuine is expensive, being downright generous is actually a kind of openness.
3. No one will really understand you
When I was young, I also liked Liao Yimei’s line “In this life, it’s not rare to meet love or sex, but it’s rare to meet understanding”.
I was a young girl who had not been exposed to the world, and I loved to take this quote as a bible for love and life.
The young girls also love to believe this, and always think that the most romantic thing in this world is not love itself, but that the person you love can always understand you, can always understand you, can always be there for you when you need, can always see when you are sad, can always know you and understand you every moment, every moment.
This is the absolute, platonic ideal of a relationship.
Till you grow up, you realize that no one in the world really understands you, no one always understands you.
I don’t want to make society sound too cold, but there’s no denying that everyone has their own subjective view, subjective purpose, and subjective approach to everything, and that humans love themselves a little more, and they’re more willing to make judgments or choices that are better for them than to understand you.
Your leader won’t understand you when you mess up something because he has his kpi, because he needs competent work assistants, not work colleagues who hold him back and need him to take care of their emotions, and no one likes to have colleagues who need to be taken care of and understood in everything at work;
Your friends won’t always understand you all the time either
No one really wants their friends to be better than they are. It’s not a good way to describe a friendship, but it’s also true that no one in the world really wants you to be better than she is all the time. Your parents won’t understand you all the time either, they have their starting point, they want you to be good when you are young, they want you to be smart when you study, they want you to earn more after you graduate, and when the right age comes, they want you to get married and have children, they want you to follow their expected life, like countless other people’s children. They won’t want to understand why you don’t want to get married, and most of the time they forget to care if you’re tired, and they want you to fly a little higher like other people’s kids.
To say such demoralizing things is not to say that no one in the world will be nice to us, nor is it to make life sound so thin, it’s just that there will be a lot less sad and upsetting moments when you learn early to not have such unrealistic associative expectations of others as you enter adult society.
They love us a lot sometimes, they bring us a lot of emotions sometimes, but no one loves you all the time and no one brings you emotions all the time. The one who brings you touching sometimes brings you sadness, and the one who loves you very much sometimes makes you sad. The moments of concern are 100% unadulterated and genuine, and the moments of sadness are also genuine. This is the wonderful but paradoxical part of human society.
So, if you can meet someone who always goes to understand, that’s your lucky day; if not, that’s life. Don’t be sad, and don’t be disappointed.
Be expectant of humans, but don’t expect too much of them either.
4. You won’t meet the fairy tale Prince Charming
Of course, if you are a guy, you will hardly meet the fairy tale Snow White either.
You know that young men and women always have high expectations of their significant others, to look good, to have a good personality, to be nice to me, to understand me, to spoil me 100%, to put me first, to think of me all the time, to come first when they are angry, not to make me sad, not to make me angry, and so on.
There is no reason why young boys and girls should think too much of love, not that it’s bad to have good expectations of love, but before a relationship starts you will certainly expect to have a sweet and beautiful love. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
But what I’m trying to say is that adult love has to be romantic, but it also has to be practical.
Romantic is that I have good expectations for this person, for our relationship, and I hope that the love between me and him will be as sweet and beautiful as I had hoped for love, and that we had good expectations for our love at the beginning.
But I also know that we are not absolutely perfect for each other, and there are definitely things that are not perfect or good enough for us, and we are past the age of wanting 100% pink bubble idolatry. The company is willing to work with each other to find a way to get along and find a way to make each other comfortable. After all, what we need is not an absolutely perfect lover, what we want is the warm loving arms that can accompany us in our efforts to move forward, and also let each other lie down for a moment of rest when we feel tired. This is the pragmatic in love.
You won’t meet the perfect other half, and sometimes the perfect other half isn’t always the right one for you. Don’t get too caught up in the fairy tale of Prince Charming, sometimes the knight who comes to you with his heart is more likely to give you a fairy tale love story.
5. There is no such thing as a wasted path in life, every step counts
A few years ago, there was a popular saying that hard work does not necessarily mean success, but success does require hard work.
At that time, when I heard this saying, I thought it was a true reflection of life. Sometimes when you work very hard and look forward to doing something, you may reap a loss, but if you want to reap the fruits, you must pay. Life’s pay and gain, sometimes really not necessarily proportional. This is what 20-year-old Xiao Wen thought.
In those years, I planted many fruit trees in the orchard of my life, some called love trees, some called career and friendship trees, but at that moment that one tree all died, some of them blossomed but did not bear fruit, some simply never blossomed, and some even died shortly after planting.
I thought for a moment that all my efforts were in vain, but now, five years later, I am receiving fruit from the trees I planted in the orchard of my life a few years ago.
I have harvested sweet and big fruit trees of love. But as I told my boy a while ago, I said, “I can be very sure that I was not as good as I am now, and if we had met a few years earlier, I might not have been able to grasp this love then, but everything is just right now.
If we had met earlier, I would have been pretentious, pretentious, and emotional, and I wouldn’t have been ready for this relationship, and I wouldn’t have been able to live the way he appreciated me and I liked: independent and lovable.
When he’s not around, I can be a big sister, and when I’m with him, I can depend on him and be his sweetheart.
But I can’t be who I am without the detours I’ve taken. Those experiences along the way have been hard on me, but they’ve also shaped me.
Not only relationships, but also work, friendships, studies, and even interpersonal relationships. Now I am no longer raw in these areas, and I am slowly becoming a mature adult, and all of this cannot be separated from the wrestles I have taken, the losses I have stifled, and the late night breakdowns and cries I have had.
It was only after experiencing one setback after another that I realized “In the end, life is a long game, don’t count on one gain or loss, you can still get up after falling off, you can keep running and not fall behind, you are a winner”;
It was only after screwing up again and again that I “Maybe I’m not that great, I’ll fail, I’ll mess up, I’ll hit a wall, but it’s okay, I accept that I’m not perfect, and since I know I’m not a genius, the next time I start, I’ll remember to use a little more force”;
It was only through the sadness, anxiety, and breakdowns that I realized, “Life is so short, how hard it is to let the sadness and breakdowns take over all the time. I must learn to live in a self-conscious way, to separate work from life, to break my heart and shed tears for work, but after work is over, even if there are only one or two hours left for life, I have to play and have fun in those one or two hours.
As one reader said, what I write resonates and feels like I’m writing about their own real lives. And the reason is simple, because those moments when you’re stuck, down, frustrated, and lost, I’ve been there, too. I’ve been there, but fortunately, I’ve come out of it in the end.
Many of my philosophies in life I learned from real life.
So stop complaining that it’s hard to experience in the moment, or that it’s useless to try in the moment, or that you’ve gone a long way or done something for nothing.
Life is never done in vain.
Life doesn’t disappoint every effort and effort you make, and if you haven’t waited for the fruit, it only means that it’s not time to harvest yet.
You have to keep watering, you have to wait.
In the forest world of adults, there are flowers, beautiful pastries, candlelit Western food, amusement parks, romantic moments, glamorous lives, and all sorts of wonderful things, but inevitably, there is also a lot of presence in this forest world that breaks our hearts.
For example: life is sometimes fair, but sometimes it is very eccentric, and the more you care about things, the more pronounced the eccentricity life makes you feel;
For example: you will feel like you love but can’t get it, you will taste the bitterness of love, you will have a hard and difficult time because you like someone;
For example: you will be rubbed on the ground by life, you will
For example: you will be rubbed by life, you will feel the pressure of life, but this pressure can not be relieved for a while, you will feel the anxiety from work and kpi, but even if you move a hundred times want to leave the job, in the next morning the alarm clock goes off, you still have to get up obediently.
There’s a lot of truth in the adult world that I can’t summarize in a few words. I don’t think you’re going to be able to get through life with Prozac just because you read a few sentences I wrote. I know that I don’t have that kind of magic power, and life isn’t that easy to be fixed.
But still, I can’t resist writing this, and still, I can’t resist saying it again: I know life is hard sometimes, but we still have to learn to find ourselves some joy in those hard crevices.
The adult world is hard and full of rules, but I still hope that somewhere in life there is that corner where you don’t have to know so much, don’t learn so much, and can be a little kid with ease.
So, I hope these truths are useful to you, but I hope they’re not too useful to you either.
It’s important to be useful, but it’s better if you don’t use this in your lifetime and don’t need to comprehend it.
May you be children who know a lot of truths in this life.