We have all been taught countless times that you need to be an independent person first before you fall in love. Indeed, in most cases, if one partner in a relationship is too un-independent and dependent, the one being dependent will feel exhausted.
After all, being in a relationship is not bringing up a baby, so why must the other party be fully responsible for your own affairs?
If you are a person, you can be a person, but if you are a person, you can be a person, but if you are a person, you can be a person.
So how exactly do you take independence in a relationship?
In fact, there is only one indicator of how comfortable you are with each other, and that comfort is the pleasure of two people, not the one-sided pleasure of one person.
Usually, people who are too dependent on their partners always have these characteristics:
1. The emotional focus is always on the partner:
Let’s say you are a bird living in a tree and the other person is a tree. You are always concerned about whether the tree is in good shape, whether it can withstand the sun and rain, and whether it will be cut down one day. Even if the other party is a tree will feel that this concern not only does not help, but will make themselves feel very annoyed. Instead of that, why not sing from my branches and make everyone happy?
2. Lack of your own interests and too much demand for your partner’s company:
Even if you are beautiful and handsome, you are just a piece of meat in the eyes of the other person after you have been together for a long time. And there will always be things, such as work and study, that make it impossible to guarantee that TA will always be there for you when you need him.
So a good hobby can give the other person a relatively more constant attraction on the one hand, and kill the boredom when the other person is not around on the other.
3. Not taking care of yourself:
Too many only children these days grow up under the pampering of their parents, lacking the experience of life and the courage to explore the world on their own.
They can’t wait for everything in the world to be done by each other, yet you’re not talking to your mom and dad, and we’re all first-timers, so why do you have to help you with everything big and small?
Of course, it’s not that you shouldn’t ask for something in a relationship, but before that you should first learn to take care of yourself and be willing to offer to help each other out, a mutual equality of asking and giving is what will bring your relationship closer.
If you find yourself with these traits and are often at odds with your partner because of them, then you definitely need to become more independent.
Because first of all, since your codependent behavior is already making your partner feel uncomfortable, and if you still keep the way you are getting along now, once the rush of hot love is over and both partners gradually return to a calm state, your presence seems like a burden: you can’t provide enough value yourself, but you are always asking for it (can you stay with me, can you pick me up?), and the only way you show your love is The only way to show your love is to care about whether you’ve eaten or gotten cold.
Second, even if the other person is someone who accepts to be depended on by you, if you entrust yourself too much to the other person, then you are in a very dangerous position in the relationship.
This kind of exceptionally good-tempered person is actually very rare, but this state of your life causes you to put your whole self on the TA, and once he chooses to leave you for some reason, it will be very difficult for you to find another similar person. That’s when you might get very hysterical about wanting the other person back, and the other person is likely to be scared further away from you as a result. So, no matter what, you need to make a change yourself.
Here’s another situation where you’re too “independent” in a relationship.
If you are in a relationship, you often encounter:
1. You don’t share much, you don’t send tiktok and you don’t talk to others often.
2. Ignore your partner’s emotions, and don’t want to ask much when the other person is in a bad mood, because you are used to being alone when you are in a bad mood to solve it properly.
3. Prefer to be left alone.
Then your independence is a disservice to intimacy. Because intimacy itself carries with it the need to meet some of the needs of both partners, such as feeling validated, expressing your true self, and completing intimate acts.
If you are overly detached in a relationship, then your partner will feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable because their needs are not being met, and they will wonder if they are really liked by you.
So if you’re overly independent also try to talk to your partner:
1. Share more about yourself and ask your partner for advice:
Many people tell me they’re not reluctant to talk about it, they just think the other person can’t give any good advice even if they listened and would waste their energy instead.
But the important thing about communicating with someone is not to come up with a solution, but to take the pressure off yourself in the process of communicating, and to make the other person feel more involved in their relationship life.
2. Spend more time with each other and increase the interaction between the two:
Rather go to your buddies to play basketball and your girlfriends to hang out during your break? Why not drag her to the court to teach her basketball, or drag him to the mall to buy him some new clothes? As the more “indifferent” side, the other side, even if they don’t like sports or shopping, will be surprised by your sudden enthusiasm and willing to experience something they haven’t been a part of.
3. Expressing love to your partner:
Meaty? The way to show love is not to tell each other “I love you” every day, but to show it in small acts.
Some people may think they are too straightforward to think of small details that show their love.
The most effective way to do this is to tell the person that they have a TA in everything they plan for the future.
On a smaller scale, it’s about secretly preparing a little plan in advance of our days off, reflecting each other’s presence in the tiktok, and on a larger scale, it’s about when we can meet each other’s parents, how we want to raise our kids if we have them, etc.
This may sound unrealistic, but the other person can actually feel that you care and are trying to work on the relationship, which can bring us closer together in an invisible way.
Finally, the most important thing in a relationship should be dependence, not dependency. That is, the best state should be one where both people feel comfortable when they are around each other, but can take care of themselves even when they are alone, rather than having to be around each other to feel happy.
And for people who are very independent, going to trust their partner not only makes the other person feel at ease, but also indirectly allows them to realize that it’s not so hard to rely on each other.