“Single” is a word you both love and hate. The proportion of single men and women in the world population is gradually increasing, and there are many reasons for being single, from their own problems to objective problems. Why do single men and women wait so long to find their true mate? The increasing openness of sexuality is perhaps the main reason.
Zhang Moumou, a man with a successful career after 70 years, often carries an Armani man bag and thinks about going to Hong Kong for a vacation when he is too tired from work. The first love so far, “girlfriend” walking light general replacement. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public.
Late at night, he takes a woman he likes home from a place where the lights are on, or he gets a room. “
They’re not going to kiss. This is his habit of so-called fidelity to love.
Is he happy? “Actually hurting others while hurting myself the most!” This is his helpless comment on this state of his life.
“Unmarried people enjoy the married treatment!” A joke with deep connotations. The daytime, forgetfulness into work, into the night, turn into a single noble, enjoy the dual freedom of life and sex. Kunming, how many men and women are moving further and further away from marriage?
On July 19, 2011, at the “Forum on Harmonious Families in Chinese Society and the 9th National Symposium on Family Issues” organized by the Guangdong Women’s Federation, Chen Yaya, an assistant researcher at the Institute of Literature of the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, pointed out in her paper “An Examination of the Survival Status of Urban Single Women” that the fourth wave of singles after the founding of New China has emerged.
The fourth wave of singles has emerged since the founding of New China, and there has been a marked increase in the number of active singles, of which the openness of sexuality is one of the main reasons.
This makes one wonder if the “fourth wave of singles” is really coming.
Single women: reality is more important than feelings
There have been several waves of singles in mainland China, the first in the 1950s due to the influence of the first Marriage Law, and the second in the late 1970s when Zhiqing got divorced in order to return to the city, and the 1990s when reform and opening up led to a change in traditional family values. In the late 20th century, with the rapid development of the economy and the rise of women’s sense of autonomy, a fourth wave of singles gradually emerged, which is now more obvious.
“From the first ‘singles wave’ in the 1950s to the present, this wave has exploded almost every 20 years.”
The first time a single person was born in the 1950s, the trend has continued for almost every 20 years,” said Gao Jun, director of the Kunming Academy of Social Sciences, noting that in the past the “singles trend” always broke out in stages in a particular social context, but this time the trend is likely to last longer, with more and more people joining the ranks of the single.
Unlike in the past, this wave of singles is concentrated in the educated and economically powerful white-collar class, especially women, whose view on choosing a spouse, marriage and family has changed and who can actively choose to be single in order to enjoy life.
“As women’s social status improves, more and more women are starting to think that marriage is not the only option in life, that you can have marriage, but marriage is not a necessity, and that if it is not suitable, being single will be better than being married.”
With the rapid development of the city, people are constantly accepting new things from outside, and are opening up while becoming increasingly self-absorbed. The company’s main focus is on the development of a new generation of people who will be able to work in the future.
One of the characteristics of modern society is “fast food”, and one of the characteristics of fast food is impatience, everyone is interacting with a large circle, dealing with different people every day, but lacking the necessary patience for each person, always targeting a quick selection of people to interact with, lacking enough to develop a relationship. Patience.
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Analysis: Open sexuality is one of the main reasons
Psychologist Liu Chengzhe, a researcher, said that the openness of sexuality and the shaking of the traditional family concept have a lot to do with the “single wave”.
In a sense, sex is a physiological need and marriage is a social need, but sex is the most important thing in marriage, and sexual satisfaction is positively correlated with marital satisfaction.
Most people have sexual needs from adolescence onward. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, human biological needs include the need for sex, and this basic need must be met one by one if we are to have a good psychological development as a whole person.
People have sexual needs and naturally seek to satisfy them. The first thing that we need to do is to make sure that we have a good understanding of how to do it. The age of marriage is the age at which many people consciously or unconsciously seek marriage.
The fact that some people remain single and have sexual partners around them is the result of a conflict between animal nature, which tends to make people sexually desirable and unrestricted, and social nature, which requires people to take responsibility under social norms or enter into marriage before they can engage in sexually satisfying activities.
Sex is the most important part of marriage, but sex cannot replace marriage itself. In today’s age of multiple values, people have the freedom to choose marriage or to be single; you can choose to be single and stay single, or you can choose to be single and have sex, but take responsibility for your choice of behavior.
The latest research on singleness and healthy lifespan shows that single women live 7-15 years less than married women, and single men live 8-17 years less than married men, under essentially the same conditions.
The father of positive psychology, Martin S. Seligman’s research on happiness (over 30 years) also points out that good marriages are very strongly related to happiness, and that unmarried cohabiting sex is likely to bring happiness in cultures that focus on individualism (e.g., the United States), but more likely to fail to bring happiness in cultures that have a tradition of focusing on collectivism (e.g., China, Japan).
Sociologically, the social order is now in a period of conflicting and disordered pluralism, where tolerance is becoming greater and the values of marriage are pluralistic, which has led to increased selectivity and changed perceptions about sex and about marriage. This means that people can choose to marry early, to try to marry, to marry late or to not marry.
When social norms allow people to obtain sexual satisfaction from outside of marriage, people can satisfy their biological needs without marriage. In terms of the intrinsic needs of individuals, since society allows individuals to have a variety of options, people weigh the possibilities and can find a balance between their biological and social needs themselves, and find ways to meet the fit.
Adults can have sexual partners but not talk about marriage, have sex unrelated to marriage, and maintain marriages that are not related to sex. This will continue and even be enhanced.
Seriously, such non-marriage related sex, when combined with public authority and proliferated among officials in the government authority system, will not only serve as a negative model, but will also seriously affect the social moral order and ethical norms and shake the legitimacy of government authority.
Openness to sexuality can have a significant impact on an individual’s search for marriage and the stability of marriage. If a person views sex as something casual, the sanctity, dignity, and willingness to commit to marriage are diminished, and the ensuing breakdown of marital fidelity, marital conflict, and other problems erupt.
One of the things that stands out in the clients that Chengzhe Liu sees in marriage and family therapy is that if a person has more premarital sex and more sexual partners, the less faithful and committed he/she is to the marriage, and the less stable the marriage is.
In fact, most marital partners are not as tolerant, generous, and open to each other’s premarital sex as they verbally say they are, but have knots in their hearts that depend on how the two people entering the marriage view and act on sex, love, and marriage.