From the flirtatious “Hanukkah” to the staggering number of people looking for marriage in the “10,000 people matchmaking conference,” many people have found that meeting men and women and then falling in love and getting married used to be hardly a problem.
The first time I saw the company, it was a very big problem.
So what went wrong?
So what’s wrong? How did the huge number of “leftover men and women” come about?
To discuss the issue of “leftover men and women,” one concept must be clarified: how old do you have to be to be considered a “leftover man and woman”? Unfortunately, in today’s world of gender equality, the answer to this question differs between men and women.
According to a survey conducted by a matchmaking website, 65% of men consider women to be ideal for marriage at age 25, 26.5% at age 30, and only 12.5% at age 35. Conversely, 82% of women consider men to be the ideal marriage partner at age 31, and this drops to 30.4% at age 35 and 15.2% at age 40.
Many men and girls in marriage agencies
On October 31, the Shanghai Bureau of Statistics released an analysis of the marriage situation of Shanghai’s population, saying that in Shanghai, the proportion of men and women in the older unmarried population (30 to 44 years old) is on the opposite trend. 9.8% of older unmarried men were unmarried in 2010, down 2.2 percentage points from In 2010, the proportion of older unmarried men to unmarried men was 9.8%, down 2.2 percentage points from 2000, while the proportion of older unmarried women to unmarried women was 6.6%, up 3.4 percentage points. Moreover, the proportion of highly educated people among the unmarried population has increased significantly.
“I heard that there are about 1,000 profiles for men and more than 5,000 for women, so it’s like 5 women for 1 man, and the pressure is really great.”
The first time I saw a woman at the “10,000 people matchmaking conference” last Saturday, she said.
“I’ve been helping people ‘match’ in People’s Park for more than 2 years, and I’ve gotten more than 3,000 profiles, one third of which are men and two thirds of which are women.”
This is the first time I’ve been able to help people with their needs.
But such a reality contradicts the demographic data: according to statistics, the total number of men in China is now 37 million more than women. The number of men of marriageable age is predicted to be 30 to 40 million more than women by 2020, which means that on average, one in five men will not be able to find a wife.
“The reason for this situation in Shanghai may still be the age difference between men and women.” Tian Fanjiang, director general of the China Association of Social Work’s Marriage Industry Committee, said, “The mindset of men and women of the same age in the 25 age group is completely different, with women being more anxious. This has created a situation where there are more men and girls in the matchmaking place.”
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Mate selection requirements are the highest in the world
“The modern concept of mate selection has long since moved away from the parental orders and matchmaking of the past. The country’s national requirements for choosing a spouse are arguably the highest in the world, after people gradually set many restrictions on love.” Tian Fanjiang said helplessly.
“Most of what is important in the West is the love between two people, and nothing else is important. But in China, it’s all about everything. The company’s main focus is on the rational, but also on the romantic, which is love at first sight. Tian Fanjiang said, “Although modern people accept new ideas and no longer have the same conservative attitude towards marriage as before, many parents are bound to interfere once marriage is involved.”
A domestic matchmaking website released on the day of “Hanukkah” a “2011 Century “Hanukkah” marriage micro-survey, showing that young people choose a love partner considering “economic status and family background “
The number of people who chose “character cultivation” was only 25.7%.
“In previous surveys, character and personality have been the main factors in their marriage choices, and we were surprised by the change this year.” said Luo Xianlin, general manager of the site.
And the match pattern of strong male and weak female, male outside and female inside still dominates the society. A good woman often wants a better man, while a very good man may not desire such a significant other among the many options available.
“The definition of excellence for a significant other is not the same in the eyes of women and men.” The company’s main goal is to provide a good service to its customers. Whether or not she can take care of the family, whether or not she is considerate, this is the fundamental. As for how good and capable the other half is at work, that’s not on their mind.”
With such information asymmetry, to find the right half, some people are bound to make certain concessions and compromises. However, such compromises are not common.
Traditionally, singles are in the ascendant
The reality seems paradoxical: on the one hand, people are following the traditional notion of having the right family when looking for a relationship, but on the other hand, the traditional practice of compromising in marriage is becoming less and less popular.
In the past, women had no independent economic resources, and marriage was almost the only rice bowl, while men had to fulfill the task of passing on their heritage and gaining family and social recognition through marriage. In this state of affairs, marriage is bound to exist in a stable manner. But such a stable state often requires compromise to accomplish, and compromise in marriage is often not so pleasant.
“Modern society has become more selective, with an unprecedented sense of individual independence, and no one is willing to compromise for anyone between men and women.” Tian Fanjiang said.
“I often advise some ladies who are better off to lower their standards a little bit, and maybe they will have a good harvest. But most of them ignore me.” Tang Yanglin shook his head.
In such a context, many “leftover men and women” have become staunch advocates of singlism.
Sociologists believe that there have been three waves of singles in China: the first occurred after the first Marriage Law was promulgated in 1950, when a large number of “polygamous” marriages were dissolved, creating a huge population of single women; the second was due to the end of the Cultural Revolution. “The third time was around the 1990s, when idealism became prevalent among young men and women, feelings began to be emphasized in marriage, and “relationship breakdown” as a vague criterion could be used as a suitable reason for divorce, causing the divorce
The population has suddenly increased dramatically.
Today, the emergence of a large number of “leftover men and women” has led to the first signs of another wave of singles.
How to solve this problem? The Chinese people generally lack a ‘love quotient’. Chinese education is all about future career and development, and almost everyone thinks that finding a partner is something you are born to do. Many people gain their knowledge about love through TV shows and novels, and they are very successful professionally, but are at an elementary school level when it comes to relationships. They do not understand the needs of others as well as their own needs and lack the ability to love. This is a fundamental sign of a lack of love quotient.”