Some have joked that love itself is a mental illness, but even if it is an illness, it is a happy one, even one that benefits the mind and body, while Stockholm syndrome is relatively dangerous.
On August 23, 1973, two vicious criminals, JanErikOlsson and ClarkOlofsson, intent on robbing one of the largest banks in the Swedish capital, Stockholm, and holding four bank employees hostage, finally waited for the criminals to give up after a 130-hour standoff between the police and the criminals. But it didn’t end there: months after the incident, the four bank employees who were held hostage still showed compassion for their captors, refusing to charge them in court and even raising funds for their legal defense, not hating them and grateful for the “kindness” they showed by not hurting them. They did not hate the kidnappers and were grateful for the “mercy” they showed by not hurting them. More surprisingly, one of the hostages, a female employee, Christian, even fell in love with the kidnapper Olson and became engaged to him while serving his sentence.
This incident sparked interest and research among social scientists, who called the behavior of the kidnapped employees “Stockholm syndrome.
According to the scientists, this seemingly unimaginable complex is not an uncommon symptom. In the classic case above, a hostage fell in love with her kidnapper, a striking phenomenon that would be considered “abnormal” by the general public. In fact, in most of our relatively mundane and ordinary love lives, we can see similar symptoms in many people, to a lesser or greater or lesser extent.
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Some people have jokingly said that love itself is a kind of mental illness, but even if it is, it is a happy illness, even a beneficial one, while Stockholm syndrome is relatively dangerous.
There’s a quote that says, “In love, many people are most attached to, and most inseparable from, the person who hurts them the most and tramples on their feelings the hardest.” What a most apt description.
In the face of these kidnappings in the name of love, do you choose to stay on the scene and help the kidnappers continue to kidnap themselves, or do you bravely escape?
If you’re the girl who wants to be free and doesn’t want to submit to emotional violence, the first thing I’d suggest is not to make excuses for the people who hurt you. That sounds like a lot of crap. It’s “weak” enough not to protest when someone hurts you, but is anyone really going to abuse themselves enough to make excuses for someone who hurts them?
In other areas of our lives, it’s possible to keep our heads above water and not be the “child of the pack” that others would see as angry. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. The most can’t give up the relationship, give up the person who has hurt himself badly. The only thing we seem to have to give up is ourselves and our bright, simple pleasures.
But we can’t really be a “bun” enough to accept his unjustified harm.
We need a reason to give our “sober, calculating” selves an explanation.
Sometimes the other person will be “cooperative” and provide us with a reason or excuse after the trouble.
Sometimes the other person is cooperative and gives us a reason or excuse for the trouble, but unfortunately, when we look back at it later, when we are lighter in our hearts, those excuses are too perfunctory to be serious.
Then the fools who were in love and tolerant relied on these perfunctory words to heal many hurt feelings, comfort many apprehensive hearts, and brighten many smiles after tears. A very insincere reason can make love continue to cloak and dagger on.
More often than not, the other party’s excuses are not given in such a timely manner. How many girls in this situation are waiting for a response without a ripple? (For those girls who do, congratulations, this one is no longer about you).
Most girls who suffer from love Stockholm syndrome are already devising reasons for their “bad behavior” and making all sorts of well-intentioned assumptions in order to make themselves comfortable with love. It can be said that the reasons provided by the other party is actually not so important, you have looked for him too much. The first thing you need to do is to forgive him before he says it.
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Girls, we’re really using our kindness in the wrong place. This warmth should be used to reward those who really can’t spare you. If you’re the only one shedding in a relationship, then it’s tantamount to an emotional abuse, and both he and you are your own abusers.
There’s another reality we have to deal with: don’t trust him to change for you. This is the beautiful illusion that girls in love are most likely to believe. There have been a lot of articles nailing this illusion, except that girls can’t help themselves in love.
There’s nothing wrong with believing you are a unique being to the other person, but that doesn’t mean you’re influential enough to transform someone. And it’s interesting to note that the worse a boy’s antecedents are, the more a girl will fantasize about him, about this wild horse that no one else can control, finally submitting in her own hands.
There’s really a lot of this kind of drama in manga and in romance novels. Because these kinds of works are used to relieve this reality of life. In this life, the prodigal son is not easily taken in, and when he seems to be taken in by someone, he has actually taken in his own wildness first.
This is an unromantic reality: he will not change for you, and if he does, it will be of his own volition. As a counselor said to a girl who couldn’t keep her hands off a bad guy: the only person you can redeem in a relationship is yourself, not someone else.
So don’t believe that if you give more tears, sincerity, patience, and forgiveness than anyone else, he will be what he is. He may stay with you because you really seem to be very controllable, talkative, and bullyable.
He stays, or you choose to stay, and are keeping this hostage taking tragically going.
Another feature of Stockholm syndrome is that in the process of being held hostage, the person being taken hostage must recognize small acts of kindness that the kidnapper might extend. These small favors bring a reprieve from the threat of survival and very much allow the victim to develop subtle emotions toward the perpetrator.
We’ve all experienced that people can be so “cheap” that it’s a sigh of relief. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
One article says: “The terrible thing about a bad man is that, when he is bad, how bad he can be when he is good.” The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
Without wanting to dance with the darkness, we need to see if he is an occasional twinkle on an ink background, or if he can bring you the eternal brightness of a clear blue sky.
Learn to “hold a grudge” in order to have the initiative and spontaneity to laugh off the grudge, otherwise our tolerance is only confusion compelled by the kidnappers.