Source: Life Time
Jiangsu reader Zhang Fan asked: I am 24 years old and I have known my girlfriend for a year, through a blind date. We have developed well and have had more intimate actions, such as holding hands and kissing. But from the contact, I feel that my girlfriend has insufficient knowledge and misunderstanding about sex, and I would like to talk to her about this issue so that she can treat it properly. Please, how do I ask, and how long can lovers generally date to talk about this intimate topic? How long is it appropriate to have sex in a relationship?
Xie Hua, an emotional counselor and supervisor at Beijing Red Maple Counseling Center, replied: People can’t avoid the issue of sexual contact in a relationship, but when it’s okay to talk about it can’t be measured by time, and it depends on how well they get along, but also on sexual morality.
In a relationship, both partners are constantly exposed to issues related to sex, such as holding hands and hugging at the beginning, slowly with the act of hugging, and gradually with kissing and touching, which may eventually progress to having sex. However, each sexual act is accompanied by the gradual development of emotional enhancement. When one person finds that the other person rejects their intimacy, they become confused and suspect that the other person does not love them, and this is when the topic of sex can be discussed.
Both partners need to maintain a healthy mentality; sex is not ugly, not mysterious, and not a flood. The discussion should learn to respect, understand and accept each other’s feelings, and get the other side’s intimate bottom line straight, such as whether it’s just a hug and kiss, or whether it’s okay to touch, and whether the other side is willing to accept premarital sex. For young people, it is generally important not to get involved in premarital sex easily or too early.
In short, it is important for both parties in a relationship to be sexually compatible and respectful of each other before they get married. The first thing you need to do is to talk about it gradually, not too quickly, but don’t avoid it at all.