Every white-collar woman needs to think about one question – continuing her career? Enjoy your youth or have a baby? When faced with a choice there is no choice because the problem is not quantified, the choice is often vague and unclear, indecisive. And the quantified choice technique is one of positive selection, choosing what you like and care about most; the other is reverse exclusion, avoiding the situation you least want to be in.
Staying by the window of a cafe in Beijing on a chilly 3pm afternoon, with the sun slanting in from the upper left. It’s warm. There is a group of women chatting next to me.
“I want to do well in this job, then go abroad to do an MBA, then go back to China and work in investment banking for a few years, and finally open a cafe like this,” one of them said with a glow in her eyes, declaring her dream.
The declaration was met with an uproar among friends – who wouldn’t be envious of such a life? After about a minute, one woman slyly spat out, “Then you won’t be able to have children until you’re 35.” The …… crowd went quiet.
After a few more minutes, the question quickly became how to find a good man ah do women really hard, and after a few more minutes, the question quickly became do you know who who is good with who.
What they don’t know is that they just missed an important career question – “career” is a discussion of how we live our lives. I’m a career planner, and the question I’m tapping out on my computer is relevant to their dreams – a woman’s twenty-eighth birthday – to produce, live, or have a baby?
If you’re between the ages of 24 and 30, I think you’ll always run into this dilemma: you enter the workforce at 22, and after two or three years you slowly get the hang of it and understand what you want to do. 25 to 28 years old, you’re starting to hit your stride, your career is having a small success, and there’s no limit to what lies ahead. The company’s main focus is on the development of a new product, which is a new product.
At the same time, you find yourself nearing 30, and your parents are calling every day saying it’s the last thing on their mind to give you kids while they’re well. Your best friend, on the other hand, scares you every day about how painful it is to give birth at an advanced age. Every white-collar woman needs to think about this question – continue with her career? Enjoy your youth or have a baby?
Let’s say you choose to get married and have a baby – you marry your longtime boyfriend, have a baby, and leave the workplace to be a happy mom to the envy of your girlfriends. 3 years later you return to the workplace with a slightly fattened body, only to find that you’ve been pulled down by the male colleagues you came in with, and the one you fought with back then has become your The goblin that fought with you back then has also become your superior. The company’s main focus is on the development of a new product.
In fact, if you look further, you can see another possible version of your life story – the one you hate, the one you chose to move up the ladder. 30 is the last leg of one’s career, so how can you willingly lose in the last wave?
She gritted her teeth for another five years, finally ready to have a child at the deadline for a safe pregnancy. 35 years old, she became the most vulnerable one inside the hospital, which helps calculate every day what her odds are of having a miscarriage and having a freak baby early – and the hassles of older mothers, a body that’s hard to recover from, a generation gap with children, etc. It’s just beginning.
Or maybe you like the version of the great woman who, in her youth, her best years, this independent, wise woman travels the world, stirs up her youth, experiences all that life has to offer, but misses the age of having children. In her sixties and seventies, she is alone, flipping through photos in the garden, looking at the child next to her in a daze.
Which version do you like?
According to the career perspective, there are 4 dimensions to the way we develop our lives: height, temperature, width and depth. Each person can develop their life the way they want to.
Women nearing 30 and having children choose breadth to enrich their roles. Those who choose to work choose height and depth to make their positions or professions higher; and those who choose to be happy DINKs choose temperature to live their most passionate lives. — Height, width and temperature, which one do you like the most? You can choose how you like to live your life according to what you want most, to produce, to live or to have children.
Another important point is that the total energy of a career is conserved. That is, there are no perfect options – choosing height necessarily reduces width and temperature, and vice versa – as you pursue one, the other must decrease. So another way to choose is to go by the degree that you can least tolerate the lifestyle that you can least tolerate. –when you grow old, what you can least tolerate, is it bumbling? Or loneliness? Or pale? After all, it’s not that we don’t love a life enough many times, it’s that we can’t stand the opposite of it.
Lastly I think you’ve discovered that the decision to produce, live or have a baby is not a female decision, but a family decision – which dimension does your family want to expand first? Which dimension will your significant other be able to fill? Even though this is a female topic, I urge my buddies to never wave their hands and say, “When do you want to have kids? It’s up to you!” In fact, even birth to child fucking career, all related to you.
So choose a way to live your life the way you like to live it. Choose the way you like best, then choose the way you can’t stand, and that intersection is your choice – but note that there is no perfect choice, and the worst choice is not to choose – which is the same as letting your boss or mother-in-law choose for you.
There’s actually a lot more to explore on this topic, such as whether it’s really necessary to stay away from the workplace for that long before and after pregnancy? Does it really take the fabled $3 million to raise a child (if this standard is true, China could surpass the U.S. GDP based on birth rates alone)?
And then, for example, would proper work for postpartum mothers be more beneficial to their children’s development? This is also a career discussion, but I’m a man with no motivation or tools to produce, so I’ll leave it to the experts to talk about these topics.
The important point is that I think everyone has the choice to produce, live, or have a baby the way they like.