Don’t get involved with someone who is married or in a relationship, no matter what the excuse, the result is the same, you are doomed to heartbreak. Don’t forget, you’re just accepting the part of another person with leftovers.
One, you care more about the other person
You’re in a relationship and you’re not sure what the other person thinks; you think you’re a good match, he doesn’t seem to think so; you miss him when he’s not there, he doesn’t seem to make a difference when you’re not there, what does that mean? “If two people have different hearts, how can they walk together?” Sometimes there are situations where one partner loves the other more, and if it is in a sound relationship, there will be alternation, with the two taking turns playing the roles of pursuer and pursued; but if one partner always plays the pursuer, such a relationship is not sound, and in the long run you will be starved for love, you will feel controlled by the other, and you will feel angry, cheated, and bitter.
2. You love the potential of the other person
You love the potential of the other person, not what the other person really is. You love what the other person might be in the future, and that person is not your partner at all, but the object of your transformation. We ask every time we do pre-marital counseling, would you be satisfied if the other person wouldn’t change in fifty years? If you keep hoping to change the other person to feel more satisfied, then it is not love, but gambling, using the happiness of both parties as a bet. When you’re in a relationship with someone, love and respect them for who they are, not what they will be. You can expect them to continue to grow, but you have to be satisfied with who they are now.
Three, you want to help the other person
Do you often feel sorry for the other person? Do you feel like you have a responsibility to help the other person get their act together? Are you afraid that if you leave the other person, he or she will not be able to bear the shock? If so, I’m afraid you’re a “lifesaver. A “rescue freak” doesn’t look for the right person, he looks for someone he can sympathize with and help. If you find someone who is traumatized, vulnerable, dependent, unloved, and aggrieved, and you love them out of pity, they will be grateful to you, which is like a rescue mission, not a sound, balanced relationship.
The key to remember here is “respect.” The person you love must be someone you can respect, you must be proud of them, and your partner doesn’t want your rescue, but wants you to really know them.
4. Treat each other as objects of worship
Young actresses fall in love with directors, college students fall in love with professors, secretaries fall in love with their bosses …… and fall in love with the object of their worship, and it’s hard to maintain a normal relationship because they can’t treat each other as equals. Both men and women must be treated equally, and I don’t mean in terms of status, but in terms of attitude, not to over-worship each other. People who will fall in love with the object of their admiration usually have low self-confidence and they feel bad about themselves.
Five, you’re just attracted to the other person’s appearance
Everyone does this, right? If you find yourself deeply attracted to a certain quality of the other person, ask yourself, if the other person didn’t have those big blue eyes and magnetic voice ……, if the other person wasn’t a model and couldn’t play basketball ……, would I still be with him or her? A man’s appearance is the first productivity.
Sixth, a brief chance to spend time together
You share a certain job with each other and often have to work late together, so you feel in love with each other ……You go on vacation for three weeks, meet a man who also comes on vacation, and you feel as if you’ve fallen in love …… A short period of time together means that you get together under special circumstances, not routinely, and the relationship doesn’t last because a short period of time together doesn’t allow you to fully understand the other person’s personality.
Seven, choose this object only for the sake of rebellion
Parents always emphasize to you to find a rich object, but every boyfriend of yours is poor; since childhood, parents have been strict with you, but every girlfriend of yours is casual; since childhood, father has told you that passing on the incense is the most important thing, but your girlfriend is either You can’t have one, or you don’t want one ……
If the person you choose is always making your parents angry, it’s likely you just want to rebel, and you feel you must prove something to fight back, and when you can’t control your choices, you don’t really love each other, and the relationship is doomed to be fruitless.
Eight, the other person is not a free agent
I saved this for last because it can’t be considered a relationship at all. The first prerequisite for choosing a lifelong partner is that the other person is a “free agent. A “free agent” is someone who is free to date you, who is not married, who is not engaged, who is not in a relationship, who is not sleeping with anyone else, who is single, who is only dating you.
If the man you fell in love with promised to break up with another woman sooner; or if he said he didn’t love that woman, he loved you; or if his original partner accepted your presence and they weren’t going to break up, but he wanted to be with you for a while; or if he just broke up but might break up… …, these are not free agents. Don’t get involved with someone who is married or with someone, no matter what the excuse, the result is the same, you are doomed to heartbreak. Don’t forget, you’re just accepting the part of another person with leftovers.