Couples in love hate to be stuck together every day, with an embrace when it’s cold and a companion when it’s lonely. Although it is said that distance produces beauty, for long-distance relationships, distance can often be a test.
1. Set some principles and rules for your relationship
In a study of long-distance relationships, Dr. Greg Güdner found that 70% of long-distance couples didn’t set principles or deal with change, and went their separate ways within six months. This means that it is important for both partners to set some principles that will guide your long-distance relationship. This includes agreeing not to date other people, communicating every day, and seeing each other at least once every two or three months.
2. Communicate every day
Part of what makes a successful long-distance relationship is the ability to emulate the patterns of a normal relationship. One of these is daily communication. The advent of the Internet has been a godsend for people in long-distance relationships. Not only can you communicate for free via email and instant messenger, but you can also chat with each other via the free Skype service. This eliminates the $500 a month phone bill.
3. Get your feelings out
Expressing your feelings through email, instant messenger, and phone calls is very important for the growth and stability of your relationship. One of the ways you can enhance the stability of your relationship is to reassure her/him that you will take charge and reassure the other person. When you express your feelings, you are the other person knowing that you are giving and that you will maintain your relationship.
4. Send your thoughts from a thousand miles
From time to time, prepare something to send to your partner who is out of a long distance to express your longing. Here is a list of things for reference only (plan your own, but not all at once).
For example, books, calling cards, goodwill chocolates, music, video messages, quizzes, candy, real roses, postcards, stuffed animals, fake roses, vacation stuff, messages in a bottle, chocolate roses, pressed flowers, photos of you, engraved roses, gift cards, jewelry, “keys” to your heart The more personalized the gift, the more the person receives. The more personalized the gift, the more useful it will be when the person receives it. For example, send some photos of you and make them say “I love you” (you can write a name on them, of course, but don’t leave them blank).
When you send a book, remember to choose something the person is passionate about and put a note in it, every time. When you send music, write something about it too, so she/he knows you’re thinking about her/him. IQ quizzes can also be ordered. Call the spa (hot tub) in your partner’s location and get a card to send to her/him! The more personalized and imaginative you are, the more impressed your partner will be with your thoughtfulness.
5. Two places at once
Even if you and your significant other are a few hours away, you can still experience a “date night” together. For example, go see a big movie at the same time in two places. Plan to go to the movies at the same time, and call each other when you’re done to discuss it. It’s fun to know that the other person is doing the same thing as you at the same time. Even though you’re in two places, you can still share some time “together”.
6. Don’t take things for granted
Be sure of your feelings for each other. Don’t take for granted that people know what you’re thinking – share it with her. For better or worse, there can be no ambiguity about your feelings. Taking things for granted can kill a long-distance relationship, while clear communication will lead to success. Let the other person know your ambitions, fears, emotions and desires. This helps the other person share something deeper with you, as you work together to master communication skills.
7. Trust each other
Low self-esteem and a lack of trust can destroy a good relationship. For example, I know a woman who met a nice guy, the first guy she met after spending 3 years “recovering” from a previous relationship. Unfortunately, she was still carrying the baggage of her last failed relationship. She put this good man in the bad category, was suspicious and insecure, and eventually lost him.
Don’t entangle the present with the old. Give the current guy a chance. My philosophy is that I trust you completely until you are not worth trusting. If you don’t trust each other when you’re deep in a long distance, then you’re sabotaging your own relationship.
8. Plan to see each other regularly
Seeing each other regularly is very important to the success of a long-distance relationship. Set a guideline toward the first one, how often you will see each other and when. After you set a date make sure that day is uninterrupted. When you cancel (“My friends invited me to the beach” or “I forgot I have finals that week”), you are saying to the other person that the relationship doesn’t mean anything to you. You should cancel all arrangements in order to see her/him. If you’re letting other things interfere with seeing each other, then it might be time to reconsider why you want to be together.
9. Share the passion
You’ll get to know your partner better if you’re able to be in the water, especially deep in the middle of a long distance. After that, you’ll know more about each other’s likes and dislikes, and passions. Figure out what she/he is more passionate about, and then you can join in. Let’s say the other person likes tennis and you’ve never played. Then start with tennis lessons and talk to them. Thinking about what you both are passionate about and then sharing it together is going to greatly enhance your relationship.
10. Make surprises!
You’ll often hear people say, “I love surprises. Surprises are fun because they come out of the blue and they show the thoughtfulness and playfulness of the person making them. Think of something you can surprise people with. But don’t make it seem like it’s long overdue, then they’ll look forward to the surprise. Here are some ideas for reference only:
1) Find a classified ad in the local newspaper
2) Visit her/him unexpectedly
3) Make a videotape of the “biggest event of your life” and show her/him off
4) A gift set for when you Give it to her/him when they are leaving after you meet. The number of gifts corresponds to the number of weeks you’ll see each other next. For example, if you see each other every 8 weeks, give her/him 8 gifts, numbering each one. Ask her/him to open one of them every Monday morning. This will heighten the anticipation and make you feel more and more thoughtful.
If you take the time and effort, long distance can be fixed. As Dr. Phil said, “If you really love someone, you’ll go over the mountains, up into the sky and down into the earth to cut down the dragon ……”