When faced with a man’s sudden indifference, a woman’s first thought is: Does he not love me anymore? The second thought is: hurry up and pull him out of this state. In fact, you may not know that men have a mysterious intimacy cycle.
Man’s intimacy cycle: intimacy-distancing-intimacy
In fact, men have a secret that even he may not know: men are like rubber bands, stretching them out, and as long as they don’t exceed their elastic limit, they will bounce right back when they let go. The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you are getting into.
A similar thing happens to men when they get enough intimacy. With satisfaction and comfort, he can’t help but start to reflect. He feels the urge to escape. He is no longer starved for lack of love, he has a new need – he misses being alone, he wants to have the world to himself. He complains that he is too dependent, and he wants to get back to the feeling of being alone and in the sky. The reason for this is that it’s not easy to say where the sudden urge and desire to be alone comes from.
So the man usually doesn’t explain why, but only thinks, “Thirty-six plans, the best way to go”. The only thing left for women to do is to worry and panic. The “intimacy cycle”, if men and women do not know anything about it, the so-called “love”, will make them suspicious.
Tired of being together, the man longs for another kind of passion, and the woman, unaware of it, subconsciously assumes that he doesn’t care about her, or maybe even wants to move on. If he says “I just want to be by myself for a while,” can you accept that instead of automatically translating it to “I don’t love you anymore, so I don’t want to see you”?
A man gets closer after he “escapes”
The reason men escape is to satisfy the need to be “alone” and “reflect.
The reason why men escape is to satisfy the need for “solitude” and “introspection”. The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you are getting into. He has a greater passion and urge; he wants to give more love to his woman.
So his urge to escape from time to time is not a decision, it is not a calculated choice. It’s just an “emotional event” that happens by chance. It’s part of a natural cycle or period. You will find that even if a man loves you deeply, he will periodically choose to “escape”. After that, he becomes closer to the woman. It is in the nature of men to change between “intimacy” and “solitude”.
The most common causes of alienation in men
If you observe that for no apparent reason, men suddenly become very closed off, don’t want to talk, shut down, and sometimes simply disappear – that’s the “alienation” cycle. ” cycle has arrived.
This is when he’s concentrating on one of his own problems and completely cutting off from anything else. He becomes forgetful and numb. Sometimes, he would set out to do something that required a lot of energy. In this way, he forgets about the tension, for example, working hard, watching soccer games, driving fast cars, or watching thriller movies. The most common reasons for a man’s detachment are:
1 The way he acts in the face of stress
American psychologist John Gray calls a man’s sudden detachment “hiding in a cave. If women rush to find someone to talk to when they encounter problems, men do the opposite. He prefers to face the problem alone. At this point, he just naturally can not be distracted from other things. His brain and all his strength are focused on it. And the more independent, autonomous, strong, silent men you have around you by nature, the more frequently and persistently they will go into the “cave”.
2 He looks for a solution to some ego problem
Telling you about it means admitting your weakness and dependency. If a woman takes it for granted that she will seek help from her lover in a difficult situation, then a man will only do so when he is in the most distress. For this reason, the duration of a man’s intimacy cycle is variable, all depending on the complexity of the problem, from a few hours to a few months.
3 He messes something up
In this case, silence and distance are necessary for the man to calm himself down. In this moment, he doesn’t want to talk or do anything that he might regret. This reason may make a man go into a “cave” and the length of time varies, mostly a few hours or a few days is enough. If the tension is persistent, then the “escape” may last for weeks or months.
4 You are close and he wants to adjust the level of intimacy
A man who is in an intimate relationship fantasizes from time to time about the joy of being alone, the beauty of freedom. He satisfies the need for solitude and freedom, and then he will unstoppably yearn for intimacy. This reason is not only incomprehensible to most women, but is seen as most pathological.
Because it’s most likely to happen after a while, when you’re in the heat of the moment, when you’re both crazy about love and everything is great, and suddenly the man either disappears or at least distances himself from you at some point, how can you not panic and look for the reason for this inexplicable behavior!
What can a woman do when a man is “hiding”?
Be as calm as possible. Do not, under any circumstances, try to pull a man out of the “distancing” part of his cycle! This is the general rule you must remember. The more aggressively you try to remove the distance that exists, the farther the man will run to keep it. The harder you try to pull him out, the later he returns. Remember: excessive concern and over closeness can turn into chains for a man that he instinctively wants to get out of.
In order not to fall into a deep depression every time as a result, just remember how different men and women are. If a woman can feel her independence, then that is a completely normal condition for a man. He can’t live without that condition.
John Gray wisely points out that one of the quagmires of being with men and women is really no big deal, it’s just that men are used to this kind of solitude and women don’t understand it. Understanding this fact, when the situation comes up again, women don’t have to jump in a hurry or have to force the man to talk it out. Go do what makes you happy, give him space to be alone, and the results are usually beautiful.
Of course, it’s best if the man says hello to the woman before the “distancing” cycle arrives, and the woman is actually reasonable before she is angered by the man’s indifference. If he said to you: “I recently stressed, may not have the energy to care about you, I hope you can understand. I can handle it, don’t worry.” Then you’ll be good enough to find a girlfriend to go shopping with, then come home on time to cook dinner and be considerate enough to give him a free space.
“Men are like rubber bands; stretch them out, and as long as they don’t exceed the elastic limit, they’ll bounce right back as soon as you let go.”