There is a word in northern China called “hitchhiking”, which means that people temporarily join together for some purpose, and take advantage of the opportunity to travel together. This word is now floating across the ocean, with the spring breeze of the times, scattered on the land of the West, where it has taken root, sprouted, but not blossomed, and this is the phenomenon of “temporary couples” among Chinese overseas.
I. Signing a temporary couple
When I first arrived in Paris, I knew a Chinese restaurant owner from Nanjing, who was said to be the president of an army company before coming to France. Before leaving the country, he met the head of a Chinese bank in Europe through a friend, and after a few years of interaction, the two became close friends. Through this friend, he put most of his domestic funds in his friend’s name, and when he finished all the formalities in China and went to Paris, he unexpectedly found that this friend had resigned and left, taking away all the funds in his name. He had no way back, so he rented out a Chinese restaurant with the money he had with him, and the promise of his wife and children coming to Paris came to naught.
The owner of the restaurant, who did not speak the language and was at a loss as to what the French laws were, made it clear when he hired the waiters that the employees had to know French and understand French law, and that those who met the requirements would be well paid. As the saying goes, “there will be brave men under heavy rewards”, a woman from Shanghai, studying economics, applied for a job at the door, the woman had studied economics for two years in a school in Paris, and was about to graduate. “
The woman then started working in her boss’s restaurant.
In a few months, their relationship skyrocketed and they appeared in pairs in front of friends and classmates. The two had a “gentleman’s agreement” that if their families came to France in the future, their temporary cohabitation would end immediately, the boss said. The boss couldn’t let go of his children at home, and the woman couldn’t let go of beautiful Paris, so their “temporary couple” gentleman’s agreement was not known to their families at home.
2: “Emotional sheep herding” in the city of flowers
Another painter friend of mine, a former teacher at an art school in China, came to Paris in the 1990s and, after living in disarray and without a place to stay, painted portraits under the Eiffel Tower. Because of his solid painting skills, he was familiar with sketching figures, and with his diligent and quick hands, he earned a good income every day, and gradually established his footing under the Eiffel Tower in Paris. A year later, he moved out of his temporary bunkhouse and applied for a cheap government studio of his own on the outskirts of Paris.
The painter friend’s life was settled and his emotions took off. His wife, who also teaches at a university in China, did not want to come to Paris. He was alone and free, and as more Chinese students came to Paris, his friend’s place gradually became a temporary “inn” for single female students’ “emotions” and “bodies”, and he was able to get rid of them. After one group, another group came. Later, I heard that he got divorced and his wife had an affair in China, but my friend didn’t particularly care about it, because the ending was imagined by now. Because of the divorce, the painter friend also did not have the last hurdle psychologically, and his emotional life became more free. The painter’s friend’s situation can be considered a special case of overseas Chinese life.
Three, when drunk, they make love together, when they wake up, they are scattered
As China opened its doors, teachers and scholars from some domestic universities and research departments came to Europe, as well as some visiting scholars from China, who came from all over the country, some from one city. They generally do not come to France for a long time, more than a year, less than a few months, but the fragrance of flowers from a foreign country can hardly fill the temporary loneliness of emotions, so some of them will live a “temporary couple” life in a semi-public and semi-secret way. When the visit ended, the couple returned home, they are strangers, or secretly? It is not known.
There are other people who have come from China in recent years as tourists, most of them laid-off workers. The company’s main goal is to provide a platform for the development of a new generation of people who will be able to work in the country. Some of the men in the bunkhouse work as laborers, while others have taken the risk of becoming gangsters. Women work as nannies in Chinese families, and some also go into prostitution, returning home to live together as a “temporary couple” after their respective jobs. These compatriots mostly have families at home, and Chinese people are good at saving face, so every time they report good news to their families, they only describe the flowery world of Europe, the beautiful paradise, but never mention the hardships and pains of overseas, the unspeakable secrets.
The style of overseas Chinese “temporary couples” varies, and the endings are also various, some have turned from “temporary” to “lifelong”, and some have been “left behind” since.
Overseas Chinese “temporary couples” have different styles and end up in various ways, some from “temporary” to “lifelong”, some since the “stayers” become “looking at the husband (wife) cliff”, some “a paper marriage” exists, the two “each expressed “, some water flow a thousand times, finally returned to the sea …… Although the proportion of “temporary couples” in overseas Chinese is not high, but the impact can not be small, they do not belong to the legal and de facto marriage, but only cohabitation relationship, brief companionship, overseas “temporary couples” phenomenon is overseas Chinese life in a can not be ignored.
The phenomenon of “temporary couples” abroad is a topic that cannot be ignored in the lives of overseas Chinese.
How can we keep the hope of “two flying geese” from turning into a “lovebirds’ grave”?
The only way is probably one: when couples consider going abroad, they must understand the real “abroad”, consider less of the good hopes and more of the unknown difficulties, and think twice before they act.
The Case of the International Student “Temporary Couple”
Mr. Xu, who lives in Tianjin, went to the U.S. alone five years ago as a family visitor, leaving his wife and five-year-old son in mainland China, and after six months in New York due to financial and emotional factors, he started an open relationship with Ms. Wu, also from mainland China. Due to financial and emotional factors, after six months in New York, he began an open cohabitation with Ms. Wu, also from the mainland. Ms. Wu, who is studying for her MBA in New York, also has a family on the mainland, so they reached an agreement to end their cohabitation immediately when either party’s family applies to the U.S. Mr. Xu, from Beijing, had the same experience, but with a very different ending. He lived with a woman from mainland China and Taiwan one after another and insisted that he would not divorce her, only to have his wife in Beijing break up with her own accord because of the distance, and each party married the person they were living with in China in the United States.
Miss Wu, who works in South Carolina, also lived with Mr. Cheng, a visiting scholar from Guangzhou, because of both spiritual and financial needs. The two sides made it clear before the cohabitation that they would each return to their respective partners when their significant others came to the U.S. for a reunion, but because good people revealed this to their respective partners, the two ended up going their separate ways with each other, and they did not end up with each other.
The biggest enemy of marriage is upheaval, according to experts in mainland China. In the past, there were many tragedies in which couples were separated because of war and famine, but in modern society, the population flow has caused the divorce rate to rise, just like the phenomenon of “temporary couples” that has emerged among Chinese expatriates in the United States. The newest addition to the list is a new one.