Why is breakup sex so nice and sweet, while couples who have been living together are mutually bored and sexually uninterested?
People break up and sex comes back?
(Self-reported: Zuo Xiaomeng, female, 29 years old, full-time housewife)
After three years of marriage, my husband, who was like a gluttonous kitten, gradually became as transparent to me as if I were lying next to him. The company’s main goal is to provide a solution to the problem of the problem. I tried to use many methods, such as learning from the magazine teaching, wearing lace pajamas in front of him a few times, but he ignored it. When pressed for an opinion, he actually said, “Well, that’s nice, it’s okay.” He responded, and then went back to watching his TV.
I don’t know why the passion between the two faded so quickly, but I do know that without the lubrication of sex, the conflict between the two grew deeper and deeper. We began to fight, and sometimes I wondered if he didn’t love me anymore. He said I was paranoid and that he treated me like family, so how could he not love me? But I didn’t want him to treat me only as a relative, I wanted to find love. Six months later, we got divorced. The divorce was initiated by me, and my husband was very upset, but finally agreed. I went back to my home and lived the life of a single woman.
I thought I could soon forget the past, but for some reason, after I broke up with my husband, I sometimes missed him a little when it was late at night. The company’s main goal is to provide a better solution to the problem. I’ll come over and talk to you, and save some money on phone bills.”
I don’t know what happened and I agreed. The result was that in the middle of the night, my husband took a taxi and came over. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market. I said to him that he was not allowed to do this again, after all, we are divorced people, together again, how decent? He laughed. We are so happy with this, our disappearing sex actually came back from the dead. The two of us were having wild sex as if we were cheating on each other, often in the middle of the night when my ex-husband came over in a taxi.
But none of us mentioned remarriage, fearing that as soon as we did, all that sweet sex would disappear again. Sometimes I think it’s amazing how the sex suddenly gets sweeter after a breakup.
Psychoanalysis
Why is sex sweeter after a breakup?
Is marriage really the biggest killer of passionate sex? The real reason is probably that you have not learned some ways in your marriage with which to avoid losing passionate sex in your marriage. Why is sex within marriage not as good as it was after the breakup? Are these mistakes common in your marriage:
1. Have you changed your bedroom every once in a while so that it’s not monotonous or samey?
2. Do you and he feel too tired to work every day, but you let it happen? Always want to get all the work done before you rest?
3. Have you never imagined using sex toys, etc., to enhance your love life?
4. Do you like to blame the diminishing attractiveness of your significant other for the decrease in sexual drive, without thinking that sex should always be a two-person affair?
5. After years of being an old married couple, do you feel like some details can be overlooked? For example, your armpit hair is often left less than tasteful and your nails are left too long? The first thing you need to do is to take a look at your husband’s face and see that you’ve gone from being a gorgeous princess to a sloppy yellow woman?
6. Do you always have sex at the same time and follow the same routines and positions?
7. Do you often fight about the smallest things in your daily life, and then let them affect your sexual mood?
8. Have you never tried to have fun in the wild? The reason is that you think that now that you are a couple, having sex at home in the bedroom is enough? But you must remember the mystery and excitement of sneaking around in the park when you were in love.
9. After having a baby, do you seem to have become a little less enthusiastic about sex, with your husband sending you sexual signals and strong hints several times, but you seem to be unfazed, and he’s so lethargic and moody that you don’t even realize how serious the problem is?
10. Have you tried to abstain from sex at intervals and then “look forward to it”? For example, when living together, you don’t know how to abstain and slowly drain your passion for sex?
11. Have you stopped buying gifts to please each other?
12. Does he think that you are his “sexual prey” anyway, and that it is never too late to enjoy it when you are together every day? The result is that you don’t want to enjoy it.
13. Are you no longer a mystery to him?
If you’re not a fan, you’re a fan.
If you overwhelmingly answered yes, then all of these factors are influencing the fact that sex within marriage is becoming rare or even disappearing, but sex after a breakup, on the contrary, makes a couple become like lovers again because of the distance and the renewed energy and tension in the relationship. And these, as it happens, are the important psychological background for a good and passionate sex.
Learning sweet sex from breakups
1. Creating distance
A big part of what makes breakup sex so good is the distance that is maintained. The distance creates a sense of mystery. The two people temporarily cover up each other’s flaws and always give each other the best side when they meet. The love and affection sweeps away the friction created in everyday life. One sexologist said that the essence of sex is the urge of one person to explore the hidden heart of another person, so he argued to the extreme that romantic and passionate sex can only be produced among strangers. You can disagree with him, but maintaining a sense of mystery is really important for long-lasting attraction to each other.
Why not give marital separation a try? Even if you are not in a position to live in a second suite, try the easiest ways to try such as sleeping in separate beds within the marriage. Or occasionally travel far away for a while, but do not take him with you, and then come back again can certainly experience the feeling of a small goodbye, after all, distance is an important condition to produce beauty.
Occasional abstinence: Set a period of time as your abstinence time. Why does he have to get it when he wants it? Sometimes, anticipating sex makes the next time even better. It’s too easy to get, and men become sexually lazy because of the lack of tension.
2. Make him jealous
The more you are about to lose, the more people cherish. For males, the drive generated by a sense of jealousy is often one of the tendencies of sexual passion, which is why men in martial arts dramas often fight to the death for a beautiful woman. The more others want, the more valuable it is. So, occasionally creating some tension and jealousy is important to get him to rekindle his sexual passion. After the breakup of sex, precisely because of the possibility of loss, the ex-girlfriend or ex-wife no longer belongs to him or her, there may be several love rivals looming around, so that man will be more considerate to cherish each other.
Creating a sense of jealousy: This is Ronnie’s specialty, and she likes to create gossip about herself, such as which handsome man has taken it upon himself to invite himself to a play someday? “It’s a guilty pleasure,” she assured her husband, though, “Don’t worry, I’ll never go to the movies alone with a second man besides you.”
Whether intentionally or not, the husband took it to heart. That night, he worked hard, and he wanted to keep Ronnie away from him by satisfying her. That handsome guy is great: When you see a handsome guy in an erotic movie come out, you intentionally or unintentionally let out an exclamation: That handsome guy is great – that’s Jen Xin’s trick. The speaker seems to be unintentional, but the listener is very intentional. The husband is very anxious, whether he is not as good as the handsome man in the erotic film? So he has to learn sex skills the hard way, trying to replace the sexual superheroes in erotica as soon as possible, to become the object of Zhan Xin’s sexual fantasies.
3. Let yourself shine
Kerry made indecent noises during sex in front of Mr. MR. BIG because of his stomach and intestinal discomfort, and their sex has been in the toilet ever since. “Men, in sex, seem to be unearthly,” Kerry concluded from this. However, two people together every day, inevitably every day to show the most earthly side of each other. You have to remove your leg hair in front of him, or let him see your face without makeup in the morning. You do relax, but your sex is day and night. But after the breakup, you don’t have to be together every day, and you can act like lovers again and just show him a glowing side of yourself, and the sex is naturally better.
Keep it a mystery: Instead of dwelling on the question of why men like the new and the old and doing a Don Quixote battle with human nature, start showing him a hundred different things from now on. If you can’t do that, at least avoid him when it comes to necessary cleaning tasks, and leave the door open when you use the bathroom, which is the most important thing all women should abandon.
Highlighting sex: Everyone has their own shining side, so from now on, show some of your sexy places, have beautiful legs like Karen Mok, have white skin, wear gauzy clothes, and have beautiful breasts to spend money to buy yourself good lingerie. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
4, proper play stealing
Breakup sex is good because two people often have a feeling of stealing. After all, no longer a legal couple, and then together to make out, will not violate the morality? The more taboo there is, the more men are eager to touch it. Everyone has an adolescent child in their heart with the urge to do bad things. 32-year-old Linda says she remembers too well the feeling of cheating with her husband back then. The house was small, her parents weren’t home, and they were literally on dry heat when they secretly dated because they felt the more they offended the taboo the more exciting it was.
Move the bedroom to the countryside: Get out of that familiar big bed, like in a dark car, or go out into the wilderness somewhere in the woods to make out and experience a little cheating. Play the cheating scene: This is Jie’s specialty. One day, she let herself be naked in the coat closet. It was their wedding anniversary, and her husband was looking for her all over the house, and they ended up in the closet like Cui Yingying and Zhang Sheng, and they had a hot experience of cheating.
5, elaborate flirtation
Break up sex every time, two people will be carefully prepared because of the next time. It’s not easy to see once, so it’s even more important to cherish. The first time you have a good time, you will be able to see the other person’s favorite gift, dress up properly, imagine in advance how to please the other person, and so on. The more old the couple, the more precious the gift. 27-year-old Lou said she was often moved by the fact that her husband always found various reasons to give himself gifts. At that time, “because I was moved, I often have a sense of commitment to him, eager to become one with him.” She said.
Set up the sex environment: It’s not just the customary wine to help with sex, the sex environment to pitch in, etc. It’s important to have this conceptual understanding that even if couples live for a long time, every sex is important, and every sexual environment needs to be carefully prepared. If you’re having sex in the wild, you need to have a big towel ready, right?
6. Do not refuse to fight sex
The more desperate and painful it is, the better the sex. So passionate sex in film and television often happens tomorrow when each will be the end of the world. For example, in “A Dream on the Bridge,” he’s going to be on the road tomorrow, and tonight is the last time, so he’s lingering to death. The same is true of post-breakup sex, where the heartbreaking relationship is over and no one can be sure if the other person will still be theirs tomorrow, and that sense of desperation tends to make people drop everything and give it their all.
The occasional fight: Don’t avoid fighting. Marriage scientists believe that couples who never quarrel are either pretend couples or divine couples. The newest addition to the list is the newest addition to the list. That sense of desperation and hurt makes me want to drop everything and become one with him.”
Sexual adventure: It’s hard for people to cherish each other after a long time of being gentle and kind. The two of you will be able to get to know each other, so you can take a wilderness survival trip, a bungee jump for two, or a kayak ride in the ocean at the same time, and the desperation of life and death will make you need each other more. 28-year-old Min said that once she and her husband got lost in the primeval forest, and during the most desperate night together, the two of them felt that they needed each other so much that they ended up having sex in desperation that they will never forget. .
Anecdote
An elderly couple in England, married for 45 years, still have a passionate sex life. The husband said in an interview, “Yes, we are still as sweet as ever and enjoy each other’s bodies. Our secret is to always try to please each other and to keep pushing the boundaries in sex.”