A U.S. marriage research institute found through a survey that among the top 10 killers of marital happiness, the top one is unrealistic picking on and blaming the other person. Women are more perfectionists, always taking it for granted that their husbands are doing well, and even thinking that he’s never doing enough. But the more you accuse, the worse he behaves. Is there a way to change this situation? Of course there is, and that is to find each other’s good points and spare no effort to give praise. When you sincerely thank and praise your husband, he will reward you with more care and consideration.
The couple who took part in the experience had been married for 10 years. 10 years of daily routines had worn out their love for each other. The wife bought new clothes and got a new haircut, and the husband didn’t notice. The wife sadly thought her husband had changed, but the husband said it was his wife who had changed. He asked, “Do you still love me as much as you used to?” The wife nods, “More than I used to.” The husband shook his head and said he couldn’t tell, “You’re always dissatisfied with me.”
When she learned about the theme of this experience, the wife said she was more than willing to participate. She also wanted to know if she was really always picking on her husband. Can the use of praise make a difference in a marriage?
Experience Family
Wife: Tianshu, 34, civil servant
Husband: Jian, 37, civil servant
Day 1
Overcoming the “third party”
To complete the experience, when my husband came home from work, I didn’t do anything else like I usually do, but went to the door to greet him. He took one look at me, then laughed: “What’s the attempt?” In the past, according to my temper, I would have thrown a scowl and said, “What do you have for me to attempt?” But today, since I’m ready to praise him, I can’t say anything to ruin the atmosphere.
I took the things in his hand and said, “Did you buy food today? I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to do that. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers.
After dinner, my husband was stuck on the couch watching the game, and I habitually wanted to nag him. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market. The game has almost become a “third party” between him and me, even if I wander around in front of him in sexy pajamas, but also ignored. So I can’t see him watching the game! Today, I held back my anger and swallowed those unpleasant words.
I was quietly drawing with my daughter when my husband turned off the TV and said to me with a smile, “Would you like to go for a walk?” I was flattered: “Yes!” In front of the moon, I asked him why he did not watch the game? He said, “It’s been a long time since I took a walk with you.” It turns out that when I don’t accuse him, he cares more about my feelings instead.
The next day
Gentleness is the best weapon
At around 5pm, the phone rang. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers. He has to play cards after each meal, making it very late to come home, how I say he is useless. The more I blame him for being late, the more he comes home late, which makes me feel terrible.
Today, because of the experience, I cautioned myself not to get angry or lash out. The mood calmed down, the tone of voice changed, and we actually didn’t argue. I thought to myself, “He calls ahead and tells me every time something happens, which is a plus. So I said to him, “I’m glad you remembered to call me ahead of time.”
He paused for a moment, laughed, and said, “Honey, Friday is our daughter’s kindergarten open house. The last time I went, I was the only dad, and the other kids were all moms.” My husband is a mid-level leader in the unit and is very busy, but because I work in the suburbs, he usually handles my daughter’s parent-teacher conferences, or fevers and colds. Thinking about this, I said to him, “You are much more responsible for your daughter than I am.” My husband laughed again, “It’s an old comrade retiring tonight, and we’re treating him to dinner.”
In the past, my husband used to hang up when he finished something, but today he happily talked to me a lot. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market. When I think about it now, it was just nonsense like “have you eaten” and “what are you eating”, but at that time my heart was warmed. Today, it was as if we were in love again, and I didn’t put the phone down until my daughter knocked on the door.
I guess my gentleness worked and my husband came home not too late in the evening, but he apologized and said he wanted to come back earlier, but his colleagues wouldn’t let him. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. He looked at me and laughed: “Flesh!” That night we had a “sex” and felt superb. I really learned that a woman’s gentleness and praise are the best weapons, and that accusations and criticism are only self-defeating.
Day 3
Husband who is so cozy
I had to get up early for my shift at work today, and when I left, my husband was still up. I couldn’t resist giving him a kiss as I watched his childlike sleeping face. He suddenly opened his eyes and startled me. He was happy to see my surprised expression. I said, “Honey, thank you for setting my phone alarm clock every day.” The smile immediately crept onto my husband’s face, and he grabbed my head for a kiss, while I laughed and pushed him away: “Late!”
It was hard at work, but I was in a good mood all day. I think it’s funny that my husband is like a child, so happy with good words to coax him. In the evening, he took the initiative to call to console me. In the past, our conversation went roughly as follows:
What are you doing?
On duty, what else can I do? What about you?
Watching TV and spending time with the baby.
Then I say a few words if I have something to say, and then I say “bye” if I don’t. I don’t know where the passion came from today, but I asked him, “What made you think of calling me?” The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market. He was telling the truth, but I hadn’t heard him say that in a long time. So that warm, loving feeling came back. I whispered, “You’re so good to me.” My husband laughed over the phone.
Day 4
Not being a “shrew”
It was the weekend, so my husband woke up and called someone to fix the range hood, then went to the grocery store to buy groceries. When I got up, he was already making lunch. The company’s main goal is to provide a solution to the problem. He laughed and replied, “Working for my wife and daughter is not hard work.”
Think about it, my husband is really a good man. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. Just I am used to it, and even the same thing he did not do in time, I will endlessly blame him. I was ashamed to think of my image as a “tough woman”. So, I diligently pour a glass of water to my husband: “Drink water, tired, right?” He took a sip and ordered with a smile, “Don’t be so hypocritical, cook with me.” I sweetly agreed, helping to wash the vegetables and cut the onions, husband and wife.
Day 5
Change is actually very simple
After dinner, my husband went to the balcony to smoke as usual. I leaned out the window and looked at him: “You smoke on the balcony every day, are you afraid that we will breathe second-hand smoke?” The first time I saw it, I was able to see it. I went to the balcony, next to him and said: “You think so much of us, really a good husband.” He looked at me with his cigarette in his mouth and said, “Don’t flatter me.” Then he suddenly asked me, “You said your shoulder was sore recently, how is it now?” I grimaced and said, “It hurts!” My husband then gave me a massage in a very nice way. It was the first time he had ever given me a massage, and it was like a warm current flowing in my heart.
Then my daughter, who was on her scooter at home, came up to us and said, “Daddy, do you think I’m beautiful or Mommy is beautiful?” He asked, “What do you think?” The daughter shouted, “I’m beautiful!” My husband looked stunned: “Huh? I think your mother is more beautiful these days.” I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, because I know my husband loves my daughter the most, and now he is praising me so much, could it be that my praise has worked?
The harmony and sweetness of emotions grew stronger and stronger in the house during the days of the experience. It turns out that my husband loves and cares for me more than I thought, and I overlooked his goodness in my trivial marriage. On the first day of the experience, I exclaimed to my editor, “I really didn’t realize that I was constantly criticizing my husband.” In this 10-year marriage, he and I have inadvertently expressed our desires in such a way that all it took was a sincere word of praise to change.
Through this experience, I realized that my husband’s strengths are everywhere if you look at them carefully. Good husbands really do come out of praise, and how lucky I am to be married to a good man. Do I need to say anything more? If you want to reap happiness too, replace all that extra criticism and blame with once-a-day praise!