Once beloved husband:
I am gone, filled with tears of grief. No, they were not tears, they were clearly blood – the blood that flowed from the soft knife you stabbed into my chest!
For you, I was so infatuated. And what have you done behind my back? Cheating with another woman! When I found out, you two had been seeing each other for more than a year. This more than a year, I surprisingly no feeling, has always felt that they live a very happy life. I had so much trust in you, and at this point you feel no guilt at all towards me. Look how calmly and openly you talk about what happened between you and her, as if you were talking about a topic that had nothing to do with you. In the end, you said, “That’s how it happened. This will still happen to me in the future, and it may be possible for me to cut her off, but I won’t stop there, I’ll find a second and a third …… no one can change me. I’m going to live the most exciting life I’ve ever aspired to! You’d better turn a blind eye to what I’m doing. This way, we both still have the possibility to live together.” At those words, I was like a blow to the head. I would never have imagined that you, who is usually “attentive and considerate” to me, would say such a lot of words that would sting the heart and lungs. For more than a year, your concern for me and my children was a cover for your infidelity, hypocritical as hell! Afterwards you said to me, “Resign yourself to fate! It’s fate!” Oh my God! This is fate! You are so good at excusing your own faults. If this is fate, are you not afraid of retribution?
Both of us are from the countryside, and it’s not easy to make a living in this town.
We are both from the countryside, and it is not easy to make a living in this town. When you do not worry about food, clothing, housing and transportation, and step into the light of the dance with people, do you think of me at home in the painful hope for your return? But you said with a careless smile: “Why are you waiting for me? You should eat and sleep on your own. The Chinese tradition is that the man is the main outside, the woman is the main inside. How can a man get a foothold in today’s society if he doesn’t make some connections on the outside?” At first glance, this is quite reasonable, but I did not expect you to engage in relationships outside of the relationship between men and women! By the time I realized it, it was already an irrevocable fact. How cruel you are to me, your married wife, who has a ten-year relationship! It was truly a spiritual devastation. At that time, I could not sleep for almost three or four days, and did not think of eating, as if life had come to an end. This time, you are on the sidelines again is a strong confession: “I and she is purely sexual relationship, there is no feelings, love is not even on the edge. I will not divorce you, but I will never break off a physical relationship with her either.” I can’t do what you want. You should know that I am a man who has no room for sand in his eyes, and I cannot tolerate you having two women at the same time. I don’t agree with your attitude towards the world. You said, “There is no money involved between me and her. She is a divorced (children awarded to ex-husband) single woman, working in a company, her monthly salary is enough to cover her expenses. She doesn’t lack anything but a man. And I gave all the money I earned to you and never gave her a penny. I play with her is also free to play, each need, which is not better than spending money to go to the hotel to find a girl to play? Men under the sky are the same, are willing to go outside to find fun, so do very exciting, understand? If you feel unbalanced, you can also go outside to find a man. I will not get in your way.” A typical rogue’s face, you are simply a scum! How come I didn’t see that you were such a kind of person?
I don’t want to talk to you about love till death do us part, because you really don’t deserve it! And don’t understand it, and never will! It’s about personal quality. Simply put, your quality is so low that you don’t know what real love means! So you love cheaply, love cheaply, and are willing to be a slave to sex.
I freely admit that I used to love you very much, and I still feel that way, and I don’t know exactly what I love about you, but I do love you. Love is a feeling. The only thing I see is you, and I won’t look at any man who looks more beautiful or talks more elegantly. You love to gamble, love to drink, drunk and vomit dirty and smelly, these are what I hate. But when I see you again gambling, drinking, still a smile, how can not fire. I think I am not too ugly, a little grooming, seduction skills will not be worse than other women. But the sexual union without love will not give me any pleasure, that is simply an insult to my character! I love you with all my heart and give all my feelings to you, and you have no real love for anyone. I really want to ask you, who do you really love? I know you can’t answer, or maybe you’ll say, “The person I love most is myself.”
People have to admit that love is selfish. Especially love between a man and a woman, it’s between two people, and it never allows a third party to exist! I love you, but loving you is not the same as being able to tolerate infidelity!
So, I was so disheartened that I actually wanted to die to get it over with. The first time I saw it, I thought, “What does death mean? The first thing I did was to say that I was weak and couldn’t solve any problems. What’s wrong with me? It is you who are at fault, and I am the one who suffers. Instead of dying, I would rather leave this sad place. So, I chose to leave. I’m going to be strong and challenge life to find where I really belong!
My leaving is certainly a relief to you. For me, I can go outside and have some fun, I can broaden my horizons, I have long heard that the outside world is wonderful. If love is dead, why should I follow the example of the ancient chaste women who died from one to the other?
I remember this passage: If your love is dead, please believe that there is still true love in this world. The first thing you need to do is to have a sincere heart, and love will definitely give you a return. The first thing I did was to put on my backpack and go looking for the true love I was hoping for. The last teardrop in the corner of the eye, can not be erased deep inside the knife wound. Farewell, my most beloved person. I want to say goodbye to the past, with a new attitude to a new life, although the road ahead is still very confusing. I want to use sincerity to exchange for the true love that belongs to me, I believe that life will reward me. I will never desecrate the most sacred love in my heart!
This is where I leave it.