Marriage is sacred, but marriage is a two-person affair that can be difficult to maintain without dedication. Divorce cases, both at home and abroad, have increased over the years and there are a variety of problems between any couple. Even those couples who have worked their whole lives to maintain the status quo in their marriages may be chastised by the next generation: as parents, your marriage is hypocritical.
Statistics show that marriage researchers in several of the country’s largest cities surveyed 601 couples and when they were asked, “Do you love the love of your life?” Only 11 percent answered, “Yes,” without a second thought.
From a male perspective, what is the crux of this worrisome situation?
In some marriages and in marital relationships, that emotion in the young man goes downhill from the day he gets married. He shivers nervously, shows anxiety and overwhelm, and thus desperately tries to escape reality. Some would tell the young man who is about to be a groom that pre-nuptial fear is normal, to be prepared for it and to try to overcome it.
Family and friends will offer a vague enough explanation of his internal thought activity to cause him to feel guilty, such as, “You’re afraid to approach women and take on obligations.” “You are unwilling to pick up the burdens of life.” “You are not willing to give up your personal freedom.” “This is a sign of immaturity on your part.” And so on. Then they reassure him that you will overcome these fears and will surely mature in the process of overcoming them.
The guilt-inducing word “fear” is often used to explain men’s resistance and negative emotions. It is like a banner, or a call to battle, which successfully motivates men to brave severe tests and overcome difficulties to show their fortitude. This is how he suppressed his hidden true emotional needs. From then on, as he seeks to overcome the strong reactions caused by fear and resistance, instead of getting nowhere, he leaves open the possibility of the breakdown of the marital relationship.
When the marital relationship is on the verge of collapse and has actually reached the point of no return, these repressed resistances can burst open the emotional floodgates like a flood. Only then does he recall the emotions of yesteryear and realize the real reason for his resistance at that time. However, until then, the vast majority of his energy is spent on suppressing, overcoming, and rationalizing his resentment.
Just as he ignored the call of his inner emotions on his wedding day, he will continue to ignore his true feelings in order to maintain the marriage relationship. When he feels distracted, he will force it through and leave it at that.
During the day, he has to call his wife from the office even though he is full of reluctance, because he feels that she has this requirement. On the weekends, he has to cook, run errands, tinker, and then sit in front of the TV in total passivity, trying to play the role of a competent husband and father. When he joins his wife in socializing with other couples, he has to play the hospitable host or the inviting guest, which he really has no interest in.
When he doesn’t have a sexual desire, he may panic and begin to wonder if his sexual function is normal, while trying to overcome his “lack of desire”. The first thing you need to do is to get home from work, but in order to do your husband’s duty, you have to go back, even if you arrive home full of discomfort, depressed and silent.
So much of his behavior was against his will, just to satisfy his need to overcome, deny, and literally decorate negative feelings, which inevitably turned the marriage into a heavy burden that eventually broke down. Only then did he let his long-repressed irritation come in.