I’m a professional woman who is 36 years old, middle-aged and in a leadership role, but still caught up in a whirlwind of relationships. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of services and services to the public.
In this way, after two or three years of our marriage, a man came into my life. He was the director of my department. At that time he was thirty-five or six years old, mature and competent. He was very supportive of my work and very concerned about my life, and slowly we had more contact. He is very understanding, he can know what I am happy and what I am not happy. The two of us are very happy together, very good together, slowly I have a feeling for him. As our relationship deepened, finally one weekend night, everything that should and shouldn’t happen happened. The most intimate contact we’ve had since, and we’ve had a lot of fun.
That’s how, a few years into our relationship, my husband and I got divorced. Although my son was awarded to my husband, he has actually been living with me. My divorce was not because I was good with him, but because my husband and I were not in a good relationship.
Two years after the divorce, I had a job change and was transferred to another division. Then later, I became the Director. We both still maintain this relationship until now. Our relationship is not material, but spiritual. Now my condition is not worse than his, so I have no sense of attachment to him. However, I would feel miserable if I lost him now. I would like to live with him, but there is no possibility at all. His wife, I should say, is a virtuous woman, just not much educated, a rural woman. But he doesn’t mind her, doesn’t want to divorce her, and doesn’t want to marry me. Sometimes, I was very upset. I sympathize with his wife, we are both women, and she is weak in comparison, she does not work, is followed by her husband to the city, if the divorce she can not support herself. How can I hurt a weak person? Besides, his children are in their twenties. I don’t want to break up his family.
His wife knew about our affair but didn’t make a fuss or even a sound. I think his wife knows that she and her husband are distant, and that the two are not compatible together, regardless of their status or cultural level. There is such a husband, there is such a day, and her husband is very family-oriented, every month to give her money, as a rural woman, to life is satisfied. So I’m not very concerned about my feelings. But when I’m quiet, my heart is in turmoil, really turmoil. What’s wrong with me?
Anyone’s heart can get stuck in an emotional quagmire. Now, this female director is suffering from such a moody affliction. The most important thing to do at a time like this is to return her mind to clarity.
So I went straight to the point: “You can summarize your story this way: a man is faced with two women, at home he has a wife who is so virtuous that she can acquiesce to her husband’s affair, and outside he has a lover who is so infatuated that she would abandon her marriage. In this way, the man can enjoy the virtuous wife’s virtue, into the lover’s warmth. He is free to go in and out, both the fish and the bear’s paw. But what about you, what do you have?”
“I don’t have anything.” The female director blurted out, “When I was left alone I had nothing but loneliness, a terrible sense of loneliness. Especially after I got sick and was hospitalized, the feeling of loneliness in my heart became even stronger. During my hospitalization, it was my two brothers who took turns to watch over me, and he only came to visit me like a friend, and I felt very bad ……”
People The subconscious mind often uses a psychological defense mechanism called “denial” to deny or avoid what is unpleasant or painful in order to reduce psychological pain. This is like the ostrich in the desert, which buries its head in the sand when it is chased by the enemy and faces a difficult situation. When the eyes are blind, it is as if the pain does not exist. But if you don’t open your eyes to see the pain and face it bravely, things will never be resolved.
So I had to say something a little cruel: “You say hospitalization has made you feel alone, and so on, do you know how many more days in the future it will make you feel alone? When the time comes, when he and his wife and children are sharing the joy of heaven, can your lonely heart bear it? I said after a pause, “In fact, you already have a hazy sense that the temporary wonderfulness hides the long-term bitterness, don’t you?”
“Yes, I already feel that it’s quenching my thirst.”
Just when I was relieved that she had the courage to face her heart, she turned to me and asked, “What do I do now?”
Seeing your heart is often a good place to start, and I said, “There’s a lyric that says ‘I want a home’… …”
“I want a home and a loving husband, too. And he’s not against it.” She said, “But no one has been a match for me so far, and who’s the one I like?”
The female director is in emotional confusion, not only by “denial” to avoid the pain she will face later, but more importantly, by “rationalization “masked the true state of mind before. Rationalization, also known as the role of ornamentation, refers to a psychological defense mechanism in which a person suffers a setback or is unable to achieve the goal pursued, as well as behavior that is not in line with social norms, and justifies himself with reasons that are favorable to him, and the dilemma he faces is ornamented to conceal his true motives or desires, thus relieving himself. Because the essence of the rationalizing effect is to justify actions with specious reasons, many of her words are self-contradictory.
So I analyzed: you say you “divorced your husband because of a bad relationship”, but in fact you had the affair before and the divorce after; you say “you can’t hurt a weak person”, but in fact you already did. The fact is that it has deeply hurt the heart of a weak woman; you say you “do not have a sense of attachment” to him, but in fact you are seeking a spiritual dependence on his body; you say “no one to me as a bride”, but in fact your mentality and the fact that you are not a bride. You say you can’t find “the one you like”, but the truth is you’re not looking for the one who should be yours, you’re not moving your emotional tentacles away from him. …… But this is all subconscious activity. subconscious activity. It is often difficult for people to recognize themselves because of this subconscious. This is how people are when they are in a state of confusion. In real life, everyone inevitably uses rationalization as a psychological defense mechanism, and using it occasionally is an effective psychological self-help. However, if you use rationalization in a long-term dependent manner, it is a sign of psychological immaturity, and the result is to plunge your life into deeper confusion.
So, stop lying to yourself. The first thing you need to do is to get the best out of your life. But for a woman without a home, how long can this happiness last?
People need a home, and women need a home even more as they get older. Because only home is the final resting place for the soul, so that our hearts no longer wander around and be at peace. Not to mention you have children, how do you settle in the future for the rest of your life, how to have an account of children? Sometimes, no matter how much wealth and power you have, you can’t comfort that lonely heart. You are about to enter middle age, and in the long run, what will the man give you in the end? The actual fact is that you are in a situation where the key is your own disorderly love, but you can’t say it has nothing to do with that man. The first thing you need to do is to take a look at the website.
“Thank you, I know.” After a long moment of listening, she said.
I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that she can truly step out of the mood and see her life today and the life ahead of her.