He and I got married last May and had two years of relationship foundation before we got married. In all conscience, he has been good to me and my parents in life.
Just a few days after we got married I went to the office to look for him and he happened to be out of town. Seeing that he tiktok hanging, I looked at his chat log (I admit, this is my bad). I knew the name of his ex-girlfriend, so I easily found their chat logs. My fears came true, their chatting tone was still the same as lovers, the words “think” ah “love” ah filled my eyes, I couldn’t take it anymore and hurriedly wrote down her tiktok.
Going back to my computer, I used my other tiktok to get on her space. I was chilled, just two days after we got married, he had a message in her space, something to the effect of “my favorite person, how is it in the distance?” Something like that. I was in pain, I know they fell in love in college, and first love is always memorable. But what he told me before he got married, because he was away from her during his first year of work, she cheated on him with another man, so he broke up with her and there was no more contact.
But what does that count for now? When I’m angry, I don’t argue with him. I just didn’t say a word and pretended he didn’t exist. In the evening, he noticed that something was wrong and asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t stand it, and there was still a lot of doubt in my mind, so I told him what I found out about it. He immediately became like a child and apologized to me innocently, saying that it was a greeting between friends and that talking was a habit. I was very angry, I said that friends can certainly interact with each other, but talk does not have to be so ambiguous, right? Then he said, “I didn’t do anything wrong to you, don’t be like that!” What he meant was that he didn’t betray me physically, I was the one who was being unreasonable.
God, I’m in literature and I care a lot about the sincerity of my feelings. So I sincerely and he proposed: if you still love each other, we divorce well, I also want you to be happy. He refused, stressing again and again that it was me he loved now, saying that I had brought so much joy to his life and that I had been his whole life.
That night, we had a long talk. I didn’t really want to stop them from seeing each other, I just thought that since they had a family, they should draw a line in the sand from before. But he himself repeatedly assured that he would not have contact with her anymore. I’ll give you a chance. The company’s newest product is a new cell phone, and it has opened a new cell phone, tiktok, which I often see him holding a cell phone, sometimes reading the news, sometimes sending messages.
One Sunday two weeks ago, we went to my mother-in-law’s house. After a good lunch, his father went to work, his mother went to play mahjong, and he was called by a neighbor to play ball. The phone was next to me and I hesitated to pick it up because I still didn’t trust him. His tiktok was on, and I saw the familiar name again, looking at their chat page by page, my heart seeping blood drop by drop. When I saw my husband say, “My job will be done when I have a baby,” I was devastated.
It seems he doesn’t love me. I thought about divorce, but I was afraid that both elderly would not be able to handle it. I also thought of going to his ex-girlfriend and asking if he is still in love with him, if so, I can quit and you are fine together, but I am afraid to face her again.
What should I do? I am a failure! I found out this time recently that I haven’t had a showdown with him and he doesn’t know yet. What should I do?