According to psychologists, the average lifespan of a spellbinding relationship is 2 years. Once the intoxication passes and one enters the reality of marriage, the individual’s true desires, emotions and behavior patterns, come to light.
1. To run a love affair, you just have to find the right love language
According to psychologists According to psychologists, the average lifespan of a spellbinding relationship is 2 years. Once the intoxication passes into the reality of marriage, the individual’s true desires, emotions, and behavior patterns emerge.
How do you ‘manage love’ to keep it alive at this point? Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counseling expert, found that the language of love is grouped into five categories: affirming words, elaborate moments, heartfelt gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. And the key to ‘managing love’ is to find that one primary love language for yourself and your partner.
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
The psychologist William James said that human beings are not always the same. WilliamJames said that the deepest human need is to feel appreciated. If you can give your partner words of encouragement and praise, you will often inspire a great potential and enthusiastic response.
Love Language 2: Elaborate Moments
What is an elaborate moment? The answer is: giving the other person your full attention. A conversation with full attention, or a candlelit dinner with just the two of you, or a walk hand in hand, or whatever other activity you do together. The activity is really secondary to taking the time to “lock in” each other’s emotions.
Love language 3: Gifts from the heart
A gift is a visual symbol of love. It can be bought, homemade or found. A gift is a reminder that “I still love you,” in fact, it’s one of the easiest languages of love to learn.
Love Language #4: Acts of Service
Do what your partner wants you to do. You show your love for your partner by serving him/her. For example, do some chores for your partner, carry your partner’s bag when you go out on the street, hold an umbrella for her, etc.
Love Languages 5: Physical Touch
Physical touch is a subtle way for human feelings to be communicated. A subtle way of communicating and a powerful tool for expressing love. Sex is just one way of this love language; holding hands, kissing, hugging, and touching are all physical contact.
2. How to affirm your and your partner’s love language
< strong>Way 1:
Take a look at what your partner did or said, or didn’t do or say, that hurt you the most. For example, if what hurts you the most is your partner’s criticism and sarcasm, then your love language is “words of affirmation”; if what bothers you is that your partner forgets your anniversary and never gives you a gift, then your love language is “receiving a gift”.
Way #2:
Review your relationship and marriage and ask. “What do I most often ask of my partner?” What you ask for is related to your love language. Perhaps your requests are often dismissed by your partner as nagging, when in fact, they are your efforts to gain affection.
Way #3:
Examine the ways you show love to your partner. What you do for him/her is probably what you wish he/she would do for you.
Discover each other’s primary love language in the same way. Also, there may be secondary love languages beyond the primary love language, and if you can find them, it will make your love even sweeter.
3. How do you make ‘managing love’ work immediately?
Exercise 1: If your partner’s words of love are “words of affirmation”
1. Use a card that says “Words are important” and stick it on your dressing mirror.
2. Write down the affirmations you say to him/her every day for a week, and then look at your notes with him/her. You may find: you said it well, or, in fact, poorly.
3. Set a goal, say for 1 week straight, to say different words of appreciation to your partner every day. Look for your partner’s strengths and tell him/her how much you appreciate those strengths.
4. When you’re feeling short on words, pay attention to the affirmations in the newspaper.
5. Write a love letter to him/her.
6. Praise him/her in front of his/her parents and friends.
7. Tell him/her how much you appreciate something about him/her.
Exercise 2: If your partner’s love language is “elaborate moments”
Practice 2: If your partner’s love language is “elaborate moments”
1. Take a walk together and ask each other, “What was the funniest thing about your childhood?”
2. Ask your partner to make a list of 5 activities that he/she likes to do with you. For the next 5 months, do one each month.
3. Ask him/her where he/she likes to spend most of his/her time when talking to you. When? 。。。。。。 Maybe the next time you talk, you’ll be leaning back on the couch and it’s 9pm.
4. Think of an activity that he/she really likes and you rarely ask about, like buying a lottery ticket and seeing the Open …… Tell him/her that this next month, you want to be involved with him/her participate in one together.
5. Find some time each day to share the day’s anecdotes.
6. Schedule a trip for just the two of you some time in the future.
Exercise 3: If your partner’s love language is “gifts from the heart”
1. Try a big display of gifts: send him/her a chocolate in the morning; send him/her a love message in the afternoon; send him/her a bouquet of flowers in the evening …… and observe his/her reaction. If he/she is surprised and delighted, congratulations, his/her love language is to accept the gift.
2. Make the gift with your own hands. Maybe it’s just a rock you picked up on the way home, roughly textured and unattractive. Just pair it with a small box and you’re OK, because the note inside says: It’s just like me, waiting for you to polish it.
3. Choose a week and give your partner a gift every day, and you can be sure that your partner will remember the days as much as the honeymoon trip.
4. Store “gift ideas” whenever your partner overhears “I like…”. …”, write it down quietly.
5. Make sure you don’t forget the gift of long-lasting love, such as wedding anniversaries, birthdays, etc.
Perhaps, planting a tree somewhere is both creative and something to brag about to others.
Exercise 4: If your partner’s love language is “acts of service”
Practice 4: If your partner’s love language is “acts of service”
You can always make a list of services, for example 10, and ask your partner to rank them in order of importance.
You can also ask the person, “If I could do a special service this week, what would you like?”
Exercise 5: If your partner’s love language is “physical touch”
1. Gently touch your partner’s knee or foot with your knee or foot while eating. Be careful not to use the same feeling as touching your pet dog’s foot.
2. Gently hug your partner from behind while he/she is cooking or watching TV for at least 5 minutes until he/she doesn’t want you to. Of course, you have to overcome the urge to immediately embrace him/her into the bedroom.
3. Fill the tub with warm water and say to your partner, “Do you want to come along?
4. Take his/her hand when you go for a walk.
5. When family and friends visit, give your partner a hug in front of them, or put your hand on his/her shoulder. You are sure to get double the emotional high from your partner – because you are saying to him/her, “I have to say I love you in spite of all these people.”
6. If you’ve hurt your partner, for example with minor violence, be sure to ask for forgiveness.