The story of Chen Chen and I began with a wrong date. Two years ago on Valentine’s Day, my best friend Ash called me out of the blue and said, “I have an online friend who asked me to meet him today, and I’m a little scared to go alone, so ……” Ash hadn’t finished his sentence, I agreed, I was worried that there was no one to accompany me on Valentine’s Day, but now it’s good. Not only do I have company, but I also have a free lunch, so why not?
However, when Ashe and I arrived at the restaurant we had agreed to go to, we found out that there was another boy with her online friend. Ashe’s online friend was busy introducing her, “This is my buddy, Chen Chen.” I thought I was a person who had become immune to feelings, but the moment I met Chen Chen, his handsome appearance and tall stature did not fail to make my heart flutter.
The rest of the day, we chatted over dinner, relaxed and happy. When we parted, Chen Chen and I both left each other our phone numbers.
In this best friend’s date, Chen Chen and I became the main characters instead. The same night after 10:00, I returned to the dormitory is ready to go to bed, Chen Chen called me, and borderline chatting with me. The first time I saw it, I was able to get to the top of the list.
On December 29, 2009, it was after 12:00 p.m. when Chen Chen called once again. This time, he did not ask for food and drink as he did before.
He was silent for a long time before he said to me as if he had practiced many times in private: “You know, Xiaolin, you know what? From the first time I saw you, I fell in love with you, I always wanted to tell you, but you are so beautiful, and I was afraid you would reject me. You know, men have dignity and are most afraid of rejection. I don’t have a girlfriend, and you don’t have a boyfriend, so how about we be ‘temporary lovers’?”
After hearing his confession, I didn’t even think about it and rejected it. I admit that I do love him very much, but is this the kind of love I expect? I don’t want our love to start out as a “lover”.
But after I put the phone down, I couldn’t sleep, how could I not be moved by the man I loved? I have been thinking about a problem, since we are single, Chen Chen only want to do with me “temporary lover”? I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.
At 2 a.m., the phone rang again. Chen Chen’s voice on the phone seemed to have suddenly aged a lot, which made my heart ache. He said to me in a mute voice, “I know you’re not asleep either, come out, I’ll buy you a drink.”
That night, he took me to a very classy bar. He asked me what I wanted to drink, and I thought about it and said, “Well, let’s have a glass of red wine. I thought that the alcohol might relax me a little. He was a good drinker, one after the other, and told me interesting stories about what was happening in their company while he was drinking. I don’t know where we got to, but we both got a little tipsy and got up to leave.
But somehow, after we got out of the bar, I was able to follow him to the door of a hotel by magic. Chen Chen held my hand tightly, then went to open a room. My heart rose up with an indefinable dreamy feeling, without the slightest strength to refuse …… After this, we appreciated each other and spent a bone-chilling night after night.
But I never heard the three words I had been waiting for, from the beginning, he only said he liked me, but never said he loved me or anything like that.
This so-called love between him and me is like a thorn in my heart. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market.
One night in mid-May 2011, after we were once again lingering, I whispered, “Chen Chen, I love you! We want to be together forever. ……”
With his eyes slightly closed, he said in a low voice, “Xiaolin, in fact, I should have told you a long time ago that there is no I should have told you that there is no future between us, and to live with you for such a long time, I think that is the heaven’s generosity to me, but it is impossible for us to live together.”
“Why?” I asked aloud, my heart freezing from passion all of a sudden, “Don’t you love me? Or did you never love me at all?” He said somewhat feebly, “Of course I do! But when faced with reality, love is so pale. Tomorrow, I’m going back to my hometown of Wuxi and won’t be back. The reason why I didn’t tell you in advance is that I was afraid you would be more upset if you knew ……”
I closed my eyes tightly, but my heart was falling fast …… He sat at the head of the bed and kept smoking a cigarette, occasionally letting out a sigh, my heart ached for a while, but pretended to be sleeping soundly. I don’t know how long the ordeal lasted, but I suddenly felt his hand gently caressing my face, slowly, as if to imprint my little by little in my palm, I couldn’t stop the tears from gushing ……
At 9 a.m., Chen Chen got on the train on time, and looking at my teary-eyed face, he comforted me with some reluctance and said, “If we are really meant to be, I will definitely come back to marry you.” I nodded with tears in my eyes. The train started and Chen Chen soon disappeared from my sight. My heart was filled with infinite melancholy, as if something had been stripped raw from my own world and lost in a distant place with the sound of the wheels ……
Since the day Chen Chen left Chengdu, I can’t let go of any of the people and things in my heart, all I can think about is him.
But when he returned to Wuxi, it was as if he was a different person. You should stop being so persistent, there is no future between us.” After this, he always avoided me, and his phone either didn’t answer or was turned off. I wrote to him like crazy, when I couldn’t get through.
Perhaps my sad words made him a little uncomfortable, and after that, he finally sent me a text message promising to talk to me on twitter in the evening. That day, as soon as he showed up in twitter, I poured out my thoughts to him. But he told me to wake up. He said that he didn’t love me at all and that everything was just a game.
My tears came rushing out, and I stubbornly thought that maybe he was just trying to stab me and kill me.
He sighed and slowly told me, “When I was 19, I got hooked on drugs, and although my parents sent me to rehab, my girlfriend left me because of it, and I was miserable about it because She was the only woman in my life who made me crazy. My parents were afraid that I would become addicted to drugs again, so they sent me to work for a company owned by a relative in Chengdu.
When I first saw you, I liked you a lot because you looked so much like her, but you weren’t her after all. Maybe I was too selfish, and I’ve been regretting it ever since. I thought you would see the relationship as easy, but things were not. I was afraid I couldn’t give and you wanted to wait for the relationship, and I was even more afraid that getting entangled with you again would hurt you even more.”
I froze for a moment, so he was just using me to get rid of my loneliness! However, I found myself unable to hate him, only sad, because at this time, I could only let go of his goodness in my heart.
I said heartbreakingly, “You like me, don’t you? Then don’t leave me. I love you, even if I can never be with you, I still love you!” However, the words that popped out from the dialog box were like sharp arrows, one shot at me intensively: “You should stop lying to yourself, I am a very sensible person, I am sorry, I know this is cruel to you, but this is all I can do.” After saying this, he closed the dialog box at once. The message was like a stone sinking into the sea.
For a few days, I got myself drunk, and my friends told me to get over it, pretend it never happened, and live my life as before. But some things have really left a mark in life, so how can they be treated as if they never happened? The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers.