There is such a category of people who have a very strong desire to control each other and are very afraid that the other party will abandon them, so they go out of their way to hit each other’s confidence and even self-esteem, with the aim of their significant other staying with them and listening to their instructions, this kind of people, known as loser. Love experts list lose 10 characteristics, identify before it’s too late and suffer less. Romantic relationships are great if you are with the right person. But being with the wrong person can lead to heartache that can last for years, emotional and social damage, and even personal safety. A destructive partner can hurt us, hurt the people we love, and even destroy our faith and hope in love. They can turn what should be a caring, supportive, understanding relationship into the kind of “fatal attraction” often depicted in movies.
We can encounter a variety of different “bad choices,” most of which are easy to identify and avoid. We all know to avoid people who seem crazy or abusive at first glance and won’t get into a relationship with them. However, some people are very good at hiding their personality and behavioral distortions. This article will describe TheLoser, a common type of person in dating, providing cautionary information about this very destructive type of person.
The Loser is the kind of partner who causes a lot of social, emotional, and psychological trauma in a relationship.The Loser has some permanent flaws in his personality that he accepts as part of himself and doesn’t think there is anything wrong or psychologically disabling about himself needs to be modified. He usually learns these traits from his relatives/family and then follows them in his own life. Psychologists often encounter victims of losers – men and women whose confidence and self-esteem are completely destroyed and who are in a deep state of depression.
The following list attempts to paint a picture of loser traits and help one identify potentially destructive relationships and avoid serious emotional and physical harm. If your partner possesses even just one characteristic, your relationship is already definitely at risk. If your partner has at least three characteristics, it means you are already in a high-risk relationship with a loser and are likely to end up getting hurt. If your partner has most of the following traits, it’s not a matter of “probably” or “likely” anymore, and you will be seriously hurt if you stay in a relationship with him.
1. Rough treatment:
Loser will intentionally hurt you . If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, pushes you, or destroys your personal belongings, even just once, leave them immediately. Male losers will initially push and shove, or take out their anger by punching the wall. Female losers often fling people around or kick and hit them when they are angered.
2. Bonding and expressing feelings on the fly
Losers have very shallow emotional bonds with others has a very shallow emotional bond. One reason you might be attracted to a loser is that they say “I love you” soon after they meet you, or want to marry you, or want to have a long-term exclusive relationship with you. Usually after less than a few weeks of dating, you will hear sweet words that you are the true love of his life, that he wants to be with you forever, and that he wants to marry you. You’ll receive gifts, lots of vows, and feel his attention and good intentions all the time. During the “honeymoon” period, he tries to latch onto you, swearing that he is the best person you will ever meet in your life. Remember what they say – “If something is too good to be true, nine times out of ten it isn’t”. You can get so caught up in the rapid emergence of infatuation, vows, and plans for a lifetime together that you forget the most important point – it’s illogical! Normal, healthy adults need a longer process to develop a serious intimate relationship because there are many factors to consider carefully. Normal healthy people take a certain amount of time to establish a relationship, gather enough information to get to know each other, and only then give promises – not three weeks. It’s true that we can fall in love with someone quickly, but we don’t make unrealistic commitments on the fly and plan to spend our lives together after just three dates. This rapid “warming up” is a sign of superficial feelings. Losers are just as quick to move on when they want to dump you later, and they usually propose living together or getting married within a month of meeting the person they adore.
3. Terrible Temper
Loser’s temper is very scary. . If your boyfriend or girlfriend sometimes snaps and does any of these dangerous things-driving at speed, damaging objects, throwing things, fighting, or threatening people in the heat of the moment-this anger will one day be taken out on you. At the beginning of a relationship, you will “witness violence” – they fight, threaten, get angry with others, etc. You will hear about it in their lives. You will hear violence in their lives. You will witness temper tantrums – throwing things, yelling, cursing, speeding, banging on walls, kicking things. Even though the loser assures you that he will only lose his temper with other people or other situations and not do such things to you, you will still feel humiliated and afraid of his violent potential. At first he will swear to promise not to pour out his hostility and violence on you, but he intends to let you know in your heart that if you ever offend him, he can do the same to you. Gradually, you begin to fear challenging and confronting him, fearing that that kind of temper and violence will fall on you.
4. Erase your confidence
Loser will repeatedly and often He will repeatedly and often belittle you. He will keep correcting your little mistakes and problems (actually reminding you of them), making you feel nervous all the time, feeling stupid and doing the wrong thing all the time. He will tell you that you are too fat, unattractive, talk in the wrong way, or suck. After he gradually eats away at your confidence and self-esteem, he can do whatever he wants to you – as if he did it because you suck. In public, you’re on thin ice – always afraid of saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing, which could lead to an angry outburst or a violent fight.
5. Cut off your outside support
In order to have complete control over a person Loser thinks that your friends and loved ones will influence you, or to criticize him and his behavior. At first Loser will tell you that your friends are treating you badly, are using you, or can’t understand the special love you have for each other. If he can’t get rid of your best same-sex friend, sometimes the loser will claim that your friend seduced him. If you contact your friends and relatives, the loser will punish you by asking a lot of questions or condemning you rudely. Eventually you feel that it is better not to contact your friends and relatives than to be scolded and blamed, interrogated and abused. You try to distance yourself from your friends and relatives, so they get mad at you, and then the loser tells you that they are treating you badly again and that you better keep your distance from them. Once you isolate yourself from others and lose support, it’s easier for the loser to tighten his grip on you.
6. The “abusive-considerate” cycle
Loser’s behavior cycles back and forth between abusive and considerate. The cycle begins with him intentionally hurting you and abusing you. You will be scolded, cursed and threatened for small things. The next day he will suddenly become very gentle and considerate and do as much for you as he did when you first started dating. So you stay, hoping that this abusive-considerate cycle will be the last. Another consequence of the abuse period is that it gives loser a chance to make nasty comments about you or someone you care about, eating away at your self-esteem and confidence again. loser will often try desperately to apologize afterwards, but your self-esteem has already been hurt – and that’s exactly what he’s planning.
7. It’s always you who’s wrong
If the loser is angry, or has done something wrong himself, he will apologize. Or does something wrong himself, he will turn around and blame you. When he cheats on you, yells at you, treats you badly, destroys your belongings, or publicly humiliates you – somehow it becomes your fault and you caused the result. If you’re 10 minutes late for an appointment, then he’s driving at 80 mph, pushing other motorists off the road, and being stern-faced all night, all because it’s your fault. loser will tell you that if you hadn’t made those simple mistakes, if you had loved him a little more, or hadn’t questioned what he was doing, if you had been infinitely more tolerant, he wouldn’t have gotten angry and acted out. Loser will never (and here I stress, never) take responsibility for his own actions – the responsibility is always someone else’s. If he drives like a maniac and wants to push some innocent driver off the highway – he will feel that it is not his responsibility, but someone else’s, because someone else did not turn signal when changing lanes. He’ll give you that impression – that it was you who invited his anger, ranting, and aggression, and that you deserved to encounter his anger, violence, indifference, or assault.
8. Breakup panic
Loser for the thought of breaking up panic – unless the breakup was entirely his idea, then he’ll drop you like a hot rock. Abusive boyfriends often break down and cry when you offer to end the relationship, he will plead with you, vow to change, and offer to marry you, go on trips with you, and give you gifts. Both male and female losers may threaten to kill themselves, or go back to their ex-lover (who is probably glad to finally be rid of him), or quit their job and leave the place – as if you are responsible for his decision. losers make a lot of concessions and offer compromises such as ” Even let’s date for another month!”
They will bombard you with phone calls, often 5 minutes a piece, in the hope that you will make concessions or meet with them, even if it’s just to stop the phone harassment. Some will call your loved ones, your friends, his friends, or anyone he thinks of – just to get these people to call you and relay how much he loves you. Creative losers are very good at creating a lot of social and public pressure on you, forcing the other person to prefer to go back to a bad old relationship rather than put up with that pressure. Imagine trying to end the relationship, only to get pleading phone calls from all his relatives (who secretly want you to stay with the loser so they don’t have to be harassed by him), read ads in the newspaper pleading for you to come back, or worse, on the local bulletin board, receive bouquets of flowers every day at work, and he’ll even run to your workplace and offer a wedding ring in front of your co-workers Presenting a wedding ring in front of your co-workers (male loser tactic) or telling you she might be pregnant (female loser tactic)! Creating emotional tension for you and thus controlling your feelings. If you go back to him, the next time you try to break up, you will be afraid to encounter a worse and stronger reaction. Later he will also often reminisce with people about previous breakup incidents, further proving what a bad person you were and how much you treated him poorly. Remember, if your beloved dog jumps over the fence and escapes, you will build a higher fence after you get him back. Once the return falls into the hands of the LOSER – the next escape will be twice as hard.
9. Pushing you to give up outside interests
Loser will encourage you to give up hobbies, interests, and hanging out with other people. If you want to do something on your own, he will have to be there for you and make you feel bad the whole time. His motivation for doing this is to prevent you from having hobbies that he can’t fully control.
10. Neurotic control
Loser will constantly checking in, always tracking where you are and who you’re with. If you talk to someone of the opposite sex, he will ask 20 questions, such as how you met him. If you don’t answer his calls, he’ll ask where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re talking to, etc., etc. He will notice the mud on your car, and then question why you are going somewhere to buy something, question why you are calling a friend, why a friend is calling you, etc. etc. Some losers will follow you to a certain store, pretend not to know afterwards, and ask you if you’ve been shopping somewhere so they can catch you in a lie. In serious cases, they will read your mail, search your wallet, dial the redial button on your phone, or even go through your trash to find evidence. High-tech losers may encourage you to make some “personal” calls to friends at their homes, while secretly recording them for inspection. At first they may “educate” you on what to wear, what music to listen to, and how to behave in public. Eventually they will train you not to talk to certain friends and acquaintances, not to go to certain places, not to talk openly about certain topics. If you don’t have a date on Friday night, loser will tell you that he will call you – but not necessarily when. This will ensure that you stay home all night waiting for him to call, while dreading the verbal humiliation and questioning that will come if you don’t. Using this technique, the loser can attend as many social events as he wants on his own, and remote control your behavior even when he is not present.