Netizens often ask the question, what should they think of AA for couples? The AA system between husband and wife itself can be said to be a modern civilization and marriage progress, but more people care and imitate it, it also makes it tasteless, and even many people have a blind worship of AA system for couples, thinking that it is a symbol of fashion front and modern high knowledge. Is this really true in real life? In fact, in today’s Chinese society, couples who cannot really accept AA from an emotional psychological point of view are still the majority.
The reason is simple: there are certain negative aspects of AA for couples. It can dilute one’s sense of family, tend to unbalance the scales of marriage, leave the position of the sacrificing partner in the marriage unprotected in an appropriate way, and make the division of labor in the family deviant ……
< strong>The Positive and Negative Implications of “Marriage AA”
There are more and more marriages breaking up due to financial reasons in our society. The changing concept of marriage also makes people distrustful of the future of marriage. In order to avoid too much harm in marriage, the existence of marital AA is adapted to the needs of some people. For newlyweds, AA life is reasonable for reducing the pressure of life, making marital life more manageable and avoiding financial conflicts. The second is that it can be a good way to maintain a balance between the mindset of both parties, such as the situation in the play where Cai Juan and Zhang Lin are “high on women and low on men”, and AA can have the necessary positive meaning.
But in a Chinese society that values favors and face, AA inevitably has the effect of diluting each other’s emotions, making intimacy increasingly indifferent and the couple’s relationship inevitably affected. If one party is overly romantic or overly frugal, it is easy to make the couple’s feelings lose balance. Therefore, it is best to implement AA at a certain stage of the marriage rather than the whole process, and to reach a consensus by mutual agreement in order not to negatively affect the couple’s relationship.
1. Put each other on an equal footing and maintain the self-esteem of the lower partner.
This is an attitude of life, due to the difference in living standards, the nature of work, etc., will cause differences in personal self-esteem and vanity, in order to avoid causing harm or reduce the differences, so that AA is more appropriate and suitable for the public The psychological tolerance of the public.
2. A kind of stingy psychology, economic and security self-protection.
Do not rule out the fact that some people are indeed stingy and want to get the most out of the least amount of input, and this is the time to choose AA instead of paying the full amount and saving some of the expenses for other uses.
3. Balancing mentality, not wanting to owe each other and get self-satisfaction.
There is a mentality in relationships that no one wants to owe too much to the other person because no one can guarantee that they will be with each other forever, and when they leave one day, they will feel guilty and afraid that they owe too much to the other person to get out. This is also a selfish mentality, to avoid owing each other through AA, to find a psychological balance and to get self-satisfaction.
4. There is a connection with the high divorce rate and the lack of security and trust in society
It reflects the tendency of interest-oriented family relationships and indifferent affection, as well as young people’s desire for freedom and happiness to avoid financial disputes affecting the harmonious relationship between the couple and both parents.
This shows that “marital AA” reflects the impact of the development of the times on family lifestyles and values, and cannot be measured simply as progress or regression. Different couples have different ways of handling their family finances, and it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, the key is that it fits. Even if the implementation of “AA”, both spouses must not be in the money and interests of the loss, calculating. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
“Spiritual AA”: Maintain a moderate psychological distance
“Intimacy Map”: Relationships bring passion, empathy, intimacy, sharing, acceptance, fascination and addiction, as well as dependency, anger, jealousy, grief, apathy, boredom and control over each other. In the early stages of an intimate relationship, both partners have a burning desire to control. The more control they have, the more secure they feel. But we also find that all kinds of control end up destroying the relationship.
Everyone wants to have a happy marriage, but love requires the ability to do so, and that ability is to have the person you love accept and love you sincerely from the heart, rather than just trying to control the other person. This will only create strong feelings of rejection from the other person, creating distance and distancing the relationship.
Excessive intimacy is also an invisible pressure that can make the other person feel depressed and escape, affecting the couple’s relationship. Therefore, couples should have a degree of intimacy, whether it is spatial distance or psychological distance is not moderate will be counterproductive. Respecting psychological distance means acknowledging the external or internal psychological distance that exists between each other, which involves respecting the personality, personality habits, rights status, emotional interests, and privacy of others.
Experts warn that AA marriages are extremely unstable
Many AA marriages are not stable as one spouse marries the other. marriages are on the verge of breaking up as one spouse’s income decreases after marriage, offspring are born, support for the elderly, household chores, and the stress of job instability, retirement, layoffs, and other aspects that eventually lead to AA marriages on the verge of breaking up.
Professor Zheng points out that AA by itself promotes the establishment of self-esteem, self-love and self-sufficiency in both spouses. From a certain point of view, it releases what they have repressed, realizes self-worth by themselves and keeps flaunting their individuality. And with the firm implementation of absolute AA, the emotional color will be lighter. A real marriage, which requires both parties to share various responsibilities and obligations, using AA as a guarantee of marriage is just going from one extreme to the other.
AA is a challenge to the traditional concept of marriage, and its popularity has complex social reasons, both the influence of Western culture and a comprehensive display of the economic, cultural, and conceptual changes in today’s Chinese society. For this phenomenon, we should not only recognize the objective social environment changes, but also should not ignore the unique Chinese traditional concept of marriage and love. Find a reasonable balance and let the good things work for us.