My family is from out of town, my boyfriend’s family is in a prefecture-level city in XX province, and we’ve stayed in the provincial capital to work since we graduated from college.
My boyfriend hasn’t been able to save much money since graduation, and I have over 30,000 in savings myself. I called last night about the house (I live in the company dorm, he lives at home).
First, let’s talk about my boyfriend’s family. His family is in the city and has three houses, one new one is a 3-story duplex, and the other two are old houses. He has a sister who is married. Now he, his sister’s brother-in-law, and his parents all live in the new duplex, and all the houses are in his parents’ names.
On the phone last night, I said I wanted to get married this year and I wanted to buy a house first, even if it was smaller, and I said, “You don’t have any savings right now, so we can both make IOUs to borrow some from your parents, plus my savings for the down payment. ” The price of my boyfriend’s home is not expensive at all now, and a down payment of 60,000 is enough.
In fact, I’m doing this mainly because I want a house with my name on the real estate license, otherwise I’ll be on my own in a foreign country, and what if something changes later. I’m not saying I don’t trust my boyfriend, but a woman has to plan for herself.
I’ve brought up this issue with my boyfriend before, and he’s always just dealt with it, not acted on it. The fact that my boyfriend’s parents want us to live with them after we get married is something I’m not willing to do, because so many people living together will definitely have friction, after all, it’s not their own house and it’s not convenient to do anything.
After I finished my thoughts last night, my boyfriend said that he wasn’t going to buy a house because there are enough houses in the house now and it’s a pure waste to buy so many houses. In fact, my boyfriend is quite nice to me, maybe he has his own ideas. Anyway, he said it is impossible to buy a house in a short time, just have a place to live.
I didn’t agree, and then I don’t know how we got into a fight, but I said, “Are you going to get a license and send me away and be done with it?” Because my boyfriend where they are married custom is basically not to give a bride price, to give the most will give 5,000 yuan, the 5,000 yuan also includes a lot of things to buy for the man. The company’s custom is to give a minimum of 30,000 yuan as bride price.
I think if this is the case, no house, no bride price, and at the end I have to pay money back, my parents will not agree to it anyway. I don’t want to make them sad.
Then I said, “It’s okay if you don’t buy a house, but you have to give me a bride price of $30,000, and I won’t spend a penny of that $30,000 when we get married, and then I’ll add some money to buy my own house after the wedding.”
After hearing this, my boyfriend got very angry and said, “You only know about money, I didn’t think you were so snobbish, you only recognize money, that’s how I am anyway, you can marry if you like, don’t marry if you despise me. If you want money, my family’s conditions, many people want to marry can not marry in it.” The company also said, “Pack your things and get out of here.”
I listened to my boyfriend’s words and tears flowed down my face, I’ve been in love with him for 5 years and rarely quarreled, in fact he treats me very well and doesn’t let me suffer a bit, but I didn’t expect to get married soon, but he said such things to me because of the house. I don’t know if my request was too much, but now that I think about it, I’m still in tears while typing.
As a woman who married far away from home, is this really too much to ask? I wonder if I’m really as snooty as he says I am?