I’m sure many of you have heard of second-hand smoke, but less about second-hand stress. Usually someone keeps going in and out of the office, the person in the front seat has been “knock knock knock” on the desk pen, the leader frowned repeatedly sigh, the next colleague angrily slammed the phone, etc., these seemingly unrelated to you, but often you will also feel the pressure multiplied. These are the so-called second-hand stress, and like second-hand smoke, second-hand stress is also very hurtful.
People often see other people’s behavior as a threat to themselves, says Dr. Heidi Hanna of the American Institute of Stress. When aware of the pressure from others surrounding them, the brain sends the signal “you should be anxious too”. Liu Baofeng, a senior counselor at the Chinese Mental Health Association, explains this phenomenon as “contagious, like the flu. What’s so hurtful about second-hand stress?
1. Family. Couples and parents and children can easily infect each other with secondhand stress. Jordan Friedman, an American stress management expert, gives the example that if a dad forgets to pick up his child from school in the afternoon because he is stressed at work, the child will feel upset and scared, and this emotion will then be passed on to the mom, and the dad will suffer more stress because of guilt. Then again, when parents come home and are still busy with work, children will feel that mom and dad simply do not have time to play and talk with themselves, and thus feel the pressure. Friedman said second-hand stress in the family can easily form a vicious cycle, even pushing the relationship to the freezing point. Often, the combination of great psychological stress and emotional loneliness can weaken the body’s immune system, and all sorts of physical and mental problems can follow.
2. The unit. In the office, anxious, angry, sad-looking colleagues are a major source of second-hand stress. If there is a colleague around you who is always in a hurry and busy, you can trigger a stress response by having difficulty communicating with him or guessing that he is taken more seriously. The performance of the leader is an important source of second-hand stress. For example, if the leader has recently shown a lot of anxiety, always long and short sighs, subordinates will guess whether the company’s efficiency has declined, whether something bad is going to happen. These second-hand stresses spread, which not only lead to lower productivity, but also make employees feel physically and mentally exhausted, and even trigger problems such as stress fat and stomach problems.
3. The road. You’re walking down the road and suddenly the person next to you throws you an unpleasant look; a person in front of you who is walking very slowly and you can’t get past them; you run into a traffic jam while driving, so the horns are blaring all around you …… These things that you often encounter on the road can be a contagious source of stress, making people Feel anxious and angry. Unlike other second-hand stress, stress generated on the road can not only damage your own health, but can also cause traffic accidents and affect the well-being of others.
4. Love. Romantic relationships can’t escape the spell of second-hand stress. Imagine if your partner is very excited to invite you to dinner, but you are too tired to go because of the stress from work. Hanging up on him, refusing him outright, or breaking the date at short notice can cause your partner to feel secondhand pressure and become frustrated and disappointed. Friedman said: “If this happens more often, he may become more indifferent than you. Second-hand stress is like a wet blanket that quenches one’s passion and intimacy.” Once a breakup occurs, normal routines are disrupted and the body will then react adversely. Women, in particular, are three times more likely to develop heart disease when faced with the overwhelming stress of a failed relationship than women without the same kind of stress.
Experts believe that the closer a relationship is, the more it will affect you. Conversely, a person with whom you have no connection makes a move that you don’t care to care about, and there will be no stress. The best way to stay away from second-hand stress is to learn these 5 things.
First, secondhand stress can be avoided, as long as you leave the circle of stress around you. Friedman suggests trying not to put yourself in second-hand stressful situations, such as crowded places, roads with heavy traffic jams, long lines, etc. If you can’t avoid it, you should learn to defuse it yourself. For example, tell yourself clearly that he is not doing this to you.
Second, Dr. Hanna believes that everyone should learn to protect and relax themselves to reduce the harm caused by second-hand stress. It is recommended to take a 5-minute break every hour of work, stretch your body often, do exercise, try meditation, develop your sense of humor more, etc. Zhang Kan added that once the pressure is generated, you can also change the environment of a quiet place to drink tea, go for a walk where there is greenery, listen to music, etc.. If these are not effective in relieving stress, you can take the “other help” approach and seek professional advice.
Thirdly, Friedman suggests that it’s important to be self-referential and have a “pressure reducing valve” for yourself. As soon as you encounter second-hand stress, tell yourself, “It’s not my business, it’s just his personal thoughts. Before you can do this positive self-referencing, you need to sort out what is going on and whether it is really none of your business.
Fourth, when you broaden your horizons, your worries will naturally shrink. Zhang Kan said, attitude determines everything, as long as you can let yourself look farther and see more openly, you will feel that there is absolutely no need to be distressed by the small things that happen at the moment.
Fifth, Hanna suggests that you should usually record all the moments in your life that move you and make you grateful, and it will fill you with positive energy at all times. This positive attitude is like a protective wall that keeps negativity out.