Do you get into arguments with him over small things, criticize him more than praise him, have text messages and cell phone calls that you don’t want him to find ……? In the details of your mutual boredom and distrust, what exactly is the reason for your love crisis? The first thing you need to do is to be aware of the fact that you have a lot of people in your life.
1 We have no surprises between us
< strong>Typical performance
1. The other person’s words do not attract their interest and enthusiasm.
2. Bored. When you go out to eat, you can predict the other person’s proposed restaurant and the must-order dishes.
3. Sex is routine, nothing new.
4. Seldom willing to go out and visit friends together.
5. Each watches their own TV shows.
Life gets to the point where you feel bored. There may be more serious problems behind the boredom. I can guess which stories my husband must talk about when he talks to his friends and what TV shows he will fall asleep watching,” says Luo Zhen. Sometimes it’s so tiresome to listen to him talk that I’m about to scream at him. The feeling is like being wrapped in a sticky film of frustration.”
How to fix it
Psychologist Andrew G. Marshall Advice: When an emotional relationship needs to grow and one or both partners are afraid of change, the relationship between two people can stagnate. That’s when it’s time for two people to sit down together and think about what they hope you’ll be like in two years. Do you want to change houses, have a baby, or change jobs? If your partner is afraid of change, make the steps of change smaller and more manageable. If you want to start a big change but feel anxious, write down your fears, even the smallest ones, and discuss them together. When Luo Zhen and her husband tried this approach, he admitted that he liked the small city life and was tired of the hustle and bustle of the big city. They eventually took a compromise and bought a vacation apartment in Weihai, and their life has taken on a new dimension and their relationship has progressed.
So when problems arise, know that all difficulties don’t get to the point where they can’t be solved. The real danger comes from being afraid to face it. Once you understand this, it will bring permanent benefits to your relationship.
2 We argue all the time
< strong>Typical performance
1. Feeling that the other person always misinterprets their own meaning, and thus the quarrel escalates.
2. Accuse each other or even personally attack each other and criticize each other’s parents.
3. Often compare the strengths of others to your partner.
4. Fall back into fighting about the same issues within a few weeks after a truce.
Fights often arise not from mutual aggression, but from self-defense. The use of arguments to “get around the other person’s complaints” is a characteristic of bad communication. For example, the husband says, “We haven’t had any guests over for dinner for a long time.” The wife replies, “That’s not surprising, the house is too messy.” Another example is the wife saying, “We never go out to have fun.” But the picture the husband hears is, “You’re too lazy and too cheap.”
According to Dr. Xi Liu of the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences, appropriate arguments are also a kind of exposure and have positive effects on the relationship between the two sexes; however, frequent arguments can damage the trust and communication between the two parties. In gender relationships, “argumentative” exposure may bring harm to the relationship. Because relationships between men and women are sensitive and delicate, they need to be protected. If the discussion is not on topic, it can bring out emotional issues, such as anger and anxiety, in both partners.
How to fix it
The best way to eliminate defensive behavior is to Start a conversation. Don’t interrupt each other for 3 minutes at a time. When you are finished, try to let your partner summarize your feelings first before exchanging ideas with you. When you see the beginnings of an argument with each other, take turns putting your feelings into words first so that the tendency for negative outbursts will diminish. If it is difficult to communicate well at the time, pause communication and give the other person a chance to calm down.
3 are best friends but no longer have a passion for love
3 are best friends but no longer have a passion for love
< strong>Typical performance
1. Never fight, but there is no deep talk like before.
2. Feeling like they are suppressing their feelings in order to keep family harmony.
3. The focus of both partners is more on the children.
4. The frequency of sex decreases.
5. Rarely initiate kissing each other, or laughing together.
The main reason why couples break up today is not because they hate each other, but because they no longer love each other in a “loving way. The reason my husband is still with me, it seems, is that he just hasn’t met someone yet.” says Jiayun. After 13 years of marriage, her relationship with her husband has remained the same, but with a growing lack of passion. The couple is waffling on whether to tell their children that they are in the middle of a separation.
How to fix it
” Often, people think there are two ways to protect love when, in fact, they are the very things that destroy it – being best friends, and avoiding arguments.” Psychologist Andrew G. Marshall says, “We can’t make choices about the emotions we want to restrain. So when restraint is necessary, we soon find that it’s not just exasperation that stops being expressed, but also positive and sincere emotions. In this way, loving couples become passionless with each other.”
It’s important to allow for differences between the other person and yourself, and to understand that even the highest level of passion can dwindle. Proper arguments are good for putting issues on the table and help everyone pick and choose what’s important to both sides.
4 I no longer respect each other
Typical performance
1. Often snapping at each other’s throats.
2. Often can’t suppress your anger when you are not satisfied.
3. When mentioning your partner in front of friends or colleagues, you criticize more than you praise.
The lover’s eye state will disappear after six months of living together. This is quite normal. Once you stop worshipping your partner, the most common thing is to lose respect. According to Dr. Liu Xi of the Institute of Psychology at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, the loss of respect for the partner is most likely a result of dissatisfaction not being vented in a timely manner. Once the loss of respect for the partner is overcome, it takes a lot of psychological energy and it is difficult to rely on the efforts of only one party. Therefore, this problem should be prevented as early as possible. Loving couples need to progress together so that they can maintain respect for each other.
How to fix it
Try to reduce value-based judgments (for personalities) to complaints (for behaviors) that are not values-based. This way the problem will be more manageable and your partner will be more willing to respond positively. Plus, it’s good for you to keep the mental balance.
5 Being attracted to other people of the opposite sex
Typical Performance
1. Spend more time in the office and at social events.
2. Start feeling like you’re enjoying flirting in reality and online.
3. Still reminiscing about good times over coffee with friends of the opposite sex when you’re with your partner.
4. Having text messages and cell phone calls that you don’t want your partner to find.
It is accepted in today’s society to have friends of the opposite sex. As a result, it has become easier to “smuggle” in gender relationships. Spending more time at work also makes it difficult to notice that your relationship with a person of the opposite sex is no longer pure. Usually, when having a pleasant coffee with a colleague of the opposite sex or exchanging flirtatious text messages with the opposite sex, you do not feel that this is infidelity. But being attracted to someone is an indication that something may be wrong with your relationship with your partner.
How to fix it
” Being attracted to another person is psycho-physically the foundation for a man and woman to come together, the prerequisite for a relationship to begin.” Counselor Dr. Shujuan Wang notes, “When an emotional relationship goes wrong, not everyone has the opportunity to start another relationship, so arguments passion loss cold war is most common. Once a third person does appear in the relationship between two people, it creates an emotional expectation that makes gender issues outwardly visible.”
If you know that your relationship with your partner is the primary emotional relationship, you should not dwell on that nebulous relationship and get back on track quickly. Before you go too far away from your partner, start acting! Meet less often with your attractive co-worker alone, and don’t explain to your partner that you greatly admire another person of the opposite sex, as that will only lead to a disguised confession. Talk to your partner about your worries and see what you can do to inject energy. The best way to do this is to start an activity together and share the experience of it, such as getting a pet together or doing yoga training together.