With the growing ranks of leftover men and women, the escalating family conflicts of barely married men and women, and the soaring divorce rate, many singles are beginning to chant, “Enjoy being single!” Because it’s single, it’s free; because it’s single, it’s easy.
This is perhaps the common feeling of many singles, less friction and quarrel with the other half, less in-law relationship, outside of the busy work, can enjoy that freedom, simplicity and tranquility, enjoy the wonderful life of a person also.
I find that there are more and more single people around me, and when I meet them, I am urged to introduce them to each other; when I turn on the TV, there are many matchmaking programs, and it seems that many people are anxious to find someone, especially in large and medium-sized cities.
“The fourth wave of singles has come.” Recently, Chen Yaya, an assistant researcher at the Institute of Literature of the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, suggested in “A Survey on the Survival Status of Urban Single Women” that the number of “single women” who actively choose to be single has increased significantly. According to the survey, 30-35% of single women are “saving money to buy a house”, the proportion exceeds that of “buying clothes and beauty”. This means that a house is a sense of security for a woman; marriage is also a sense of security for a woman.
In fact, to be single or not to be single? It is a question in itself. There is a fundamental difference between the many men and women who are single and those who are actively single and those who are passively single.
Active singles: living alone, more freedom
There were several times in the past when the trend of singles was mostly driven by objective reasons. Unlike previous waves of singles, which were mostly transient acts forced by objective circumstances, most of the single men and women in the fourth wave of singles are actively single.
I think these people generally live in big cities and are in the upper middle class of society, with stable economic income, new ideas, high level of knowledge, and many of them also have the experience of working in foreign countries or abroad, and they feel relatively satisfied with their current state and do not want to break the They are relatively satisfied with their current status and do not want to break the status quo, so they choose to be single on their own initiative.
It is this mentality that leads some people to have a “more selfish” personality, where they do things from their own perspective and think more about themselves. There are many single men and women who feel that after marriage there will be much less freedom to take on more responsibility and half of their existing property income will be shared. Choosing to be single is easier and more comfortable for them.
So, these single noblemen have higher requirements for the quality of life and marriage, and single women hope that their future husbands are better than themselves in all aspects and can bring them a better life. If they can’t find someone they like, they won’t be forced to enter the marriage hall.
On the other hand, for single men, it is difficult for them to meet the demands of single women. A person’s life can be run well, once you have to raise a family, take up the economic burden of a family life, they will be a bit overwhelmed. In these people’s minds, it’s better to be happy and single than to settle for less.
Passive singles: from picking someone, to being picked
There are active There are active singles, and naturally, there are passive singles, which are largely dominated by women. Almost 90% of older women have the emotion of “hating marriage” and want to have a good home, men also want to have a complete home, but as Liu Ruying’s song sings: “The person who likes does not appear, the person who appears does not like.” Due to the influence of lifestyle, living environment and perceptions, there are single men and women who, despite their continuous efforts, are always unable to find that TA in their hearts and have to be single.
In addition, the high standard of choosing a spouse when you are young is also a causal factor. I think some single men and women cling to a very high set of standards for choosing a spouse, how can not find someone who fits, and then shake older, the standards for choosing a spouse finally loosened up, others can not see TA. Before is “TA pick others”, now is “people pick TA”. Especially women are vulnerable to such situations. Women need to feel safe, so it’s harder for women to carry the wave of singles.
Psychological tricks for women
1. Don’t be afraid of men psychologically
2. know as soon as possible the psychology of men and your contact, do not want to get married do not delay the work;
3. Don’t just focus on successful men, potential stocks, not many things fall from the sky;
4. Don’t just focus on the man’s so-called career, men dump women often use the excuse that they have no time to start a family;
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5. Make more friends and play less one-night stands.
Leftover women, bite the bullet and “settle” or cross your heart and “talk”?
“You have to stop pushing me! Mom do you want me to go so badly?” Because of this heartfelt words, Zhejiang Jiaxing 35-year-old leftover girl Xiao Fei was actually broken three ribs by her own brother! The newest addition to the list is the newest addition to the list.
■ “Prescriptive” because of fantasy
■ “Prescriptive” because of fantasy
Zhu’er, 29, from the first year of watching “A Curtain of Dreams”, I was determined to marry a man as graceful, affectionate and warm as Fei Yunfan in the future. I know you must think I’m daydreaming, but I really can’t stand to be forced, instead of suffering with someone I don’t like, I’d rather be happy in my dreams longing for my “Fei Yunfan”!
Psychological interpretation: 30 year olds dreaming of 18 year olds, can they not be held back?
Kids watch cartoons and think they’re real, and that’s because they’re young. You are a 30-year-old man, the scriptwriter out of the audience ratings of the “rich and handsome in love with old girls” bridge as real life, but also according to the standards of the male protagonist to find an object, I can only say that you are too immature. Now there are many girls who take this kind of childishness as a good thing, living in a fairy tale every day, fantasizing that one day they will meet Prince Charming, so that they are not too young to get married, such girls really need to go to a psychologist to do counseling.
■Being “sophisticated” because of quality
■Being “sophisticated” because of quality
Xiaonuo, 33 years old, if I were willing to lower my standards, I would have married earlier, and would have delayed until now? The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
Suey, 31, has been single since I graduated from college. In these 8 years, I have eaten in work, life, how much suffering, how many walls, how many tears, how many empty and helpless nights spent to develop today’s invincible body? The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market.
Psychological Interpretation: Will a man who is better than “three highs” choose you?
You are “three high” (high education, high income, high age), can look at the man, the conditions must be more excellent. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the market.
But now a lot of older women are holding this “I have delayed to this time, why should I condemn myself” mentality to carry on, the result is that the more you carry the older you are, the older you are the worse it is. Marriage. The actual fact is that you can find a man who is better than you in every way and you will win; marriage is also not a face-saving project, not to find a man who is better than you to let you control, you will have more face.
■Being “sophisticated” because of eccentricity
Psychological explanation: I’m picky because I’m not in love.
I think it’s still not in love, and if it was, it wouldn’t be so picky. Think about it, how come the boy’s mother didn’t pick him? Because it’s her own child, she loves him, how can she dislike him? If you’re not in love with each other, aren’t you just picking?
For these types of picky girls, it’s important to remind them not to just pick on others, but to think about whether they are picking on you as well. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
■Because of the lightness, so “settle”
■Because of the lightness, so “settle”
Keel, 34 years old, phased to the 38th when I came from, not that I fell in love with the 38th at first sight, but tired of going on another blind date again and again, asking and answering the same questions again and again. The most important thing is that age is a killing knife, I’m 34 years old leftover woman if I go thirsty for those love to be unable to self, I’m afraid really will boil to 43 years old also failed to get rid of themselves.
Psychological explanation: It’s hard to live without love as a foundation.
“Settling” and “preaching” are both bad, but in a sense, “settling” is better than “preaching. The “will be” is worse than the “preachy”! The big deal is to delay a little bit of time if you really come across it later, it’s not for nothing; but if you “settle”, you can live happily after marriage is really rare. I have contacted many cases, are older leftover women encounter similar conditions, although they do not like, but still eager to marry themselves. It’s all about living? They all think so. But the real life will find that the marriage is not love is terrible – no love, it is difficult to tolerate each other; no love, encounter the storms simply can not carry over. The company’s main goal is to provide a good solution to the problem.
■ “Settling” because of speculation
Psychological explanation: It’s too unreliable to rely on women to train their husbands.
“A good woman is a school” does have some truth to it, but the key to a man’s success depends on whether he has the temperament to struggle, what his character is, what his opportunities are, and his ability to seize opportunities.
What should a leftover woman do? –(preach settle)/2
I think both “preach” and I don’t think it’s a good idea to “settle” or “settle” for anything too extreme.
When choosing a spouse, older women may want to add the word “sophisticated” to “settling” and divide by two. What is “preoccupied” with? The most important thing is not the material of the other party, but whether the two people have a common language? The two sides of the temperament, nature is similar? The value is the same? Are the ways and means of treating people similar? Can they adapt to each other’s lifestyles? Are the two people’s arrangements for married life, including whether they want to have children, what kind of life they want to lead, etc., convergent? Can both families get along well? The only way to stabilize the fundamentals of marriage is to get these things straightened out.
What is “settling” for? I think we should lower our expectations of each other’s material conditions, and never put too much emphasis on tangible things like houses and cars.