In many family relationships mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is the most difficult to deal with, many men are complaining that my daughter-in-law and mother-in-law how can not get along well? In fact, if you want to solve the conflict between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you have to change your thinking appropriately, and try to change what you can change in your relationship, and adapt to what you can’t change, which is also the same as interpersonal relationships.
“If you can win, you fight; if you can’t win, you leave” is a guerrilla tactic invented by the great Chairman Mao. This tactic, in fact, is also very applicable to dealing with the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that has confused the Chinese for thousands of years. However, although the meaning is similar, the wording has to be changed a little. Chairman Mao’s two sentences should be broken down into four sentences, referred to as the eight-word policy of “change, adaptation, tolerance and abandonment”. I have summarized the four major policy responses.
The first sentence is to change if you can.
There are two extremes that many people tend to go to when dealing with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships. The first is to let it go, the elderly love to do whatever they want. The second is to control everything, the elderly say what to do what is not satisfactory. This is certainly not a good approach from a methodological point of view alone. Due to the temporary combination, the lack of communication between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law basis, easy to produce conflicts is quite normal. Daughters-in-law cannot interfere in everything and cannot leave everything alone when it comes to their in-laws who live together. Especially for some issues of principle, such as spoiling the children, it is important to bravely stick to the principles and try to change the perceptions of the elderly.
After all, times are different, and the elderly should keep up with the times. The actual fact is that you can’t be a good person, but you can be a good person. And it will also lead to increased conflict, so that the future is unmanageable. But the change also has to be a method, that is, the attitude to be firm, the method to be euphemistic, not because of a matter of deadlocked relations. The old man is not a student, he doesn’t like to be taught by his juniors, and it is important to follow the trend.
The second sentence: Adapt if you can’t change.
As the saying goes, there are two things in the world that are hardest. One is to put money in other people’s pockets, and the other is to put ideas in your own head into other people’s heads. That’s why it’s not easy to change a person, especially to change an older person whose worldview, outlook on life, and values have taken stubborn shape. For this reason, for some non-principled issues, such as the way and method of taking care of children’s lives, if it is not easy to change or cannot be changed, then the daughter-in-law, who is a junior, has to learn to adapt.
In fact, once you get past the thought barrier, sometimes you suddenly realize that it’s fine to do what your in-laws want and that there’s nothing wrong with it. The actual fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not saints, and your in-laws are definitely more experienced than young people. You have to believe in yourself and your in-laws. It has been eloquently proven that the only way to get along is to trust.
Remember: Don’t think that you are always right. Just having that thought is actually the beginning of a mistake. Adaptation is the greatest wisdom and ability in life.
The third sentence, be tolerant if you can’t adapt.
Adaptation is not an easy task, and it has a lot to do with each person’s ability to adapt. Some people are very good at adjusting their mindset and are very adaptable to external stimuli. And some people are more closed, the pursuit of being an independent and complete person, it is difficult to integrate with the outside world. As the saying goes, different paths do not work together. In this simply can not be in a happy mood together in the case of a matter, you can only take a tolerance strategy. The first thing you need to do is to make sure you don’t get in the way of your in-laws doing it.
If you are afraid that your in-laws’ behavior will affect your mood, you can adopt a laissez-faire attitude and hide away in a place to enjoy your leisure. This will not solve the conflict, but it will reduce the possibility of escalation due to emotional interaction. That is, as they say, “can not afford to mess with” on the “hide”! Remember: learn to grasp the main conflict, in life, the family harmony is the most fundamental. Compared to this, everything else is not important. Do not try to create conflicts for the sake of happiness.
The fourth sentence, give up if you can’t be tolerant.
For those who can’t change, can’t adapt, and can’t tolerate, then pay attention. Since how to “fight” are “fight” can not win, do not insist on blind “fight”, must implement the second word Chairman Mao said —- “go “, that is, give up. Although all conflicts can be transformed, but the cost is too high and not cost-effective. Since both sides of the conflict always exist ineradicable, it is simply divided and eradicated the battlefield that triggered the conflict. Although it costs money to hire a babysitter, and not as much as taking care of your own family, but the lesser of the two evils, you can save your family. The company’s main goal is to provide a comprehensive range of products and services to the public.
After satisfying survival and security needs, people have to live spiritually after all. The superiority in life does not dissolve the loss of spirituality of the elderly. For the elderly, food and clothing are no longer too much concern, physical health and happy mood is most important. If you can’t solve the emotional problems of the elderly, it will lead to depression, apathy, and even venting emotions for no reason, causing conflicts. In this case, if it is impossible to get along, the last and best thing to do is to give up. Remember: abandonment is not abandonment. What you give up is conflict, and what you hold on to is harmony and affection.
Handling the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is similar to human relationships, tolerance, understanding, change, adaptation, etc. are what everyone must learn in life, only we are putting these learnings in getting along with our relatives. The two of us will understand each other and tolerate each other, and the conflict will be solved.