Possessiveness is a must in love because the very title boyfriend-girlfriend carries with it the meaning of privatization, representing uniqueness. These possessive, privatized identities can easily translate into another kind of desire: the desire to control. Too much control can make love bitter.
Have you ever felt that everything in the world is against you, that you can’t catch the bus in the morning, that you can’t reach your goals at work, that your significant other is not attentive, that your friend said something you don’t like…etc.? We can’t be happy at all, but when we blame others, we don’t think that maybe these bad emotions are caused by our small desire to control. Learn to let go and you can.
Xiao Chen is a beautiful and gentle girl with a stable job. Although she is only 26 years old this year, she has already ended a six-year-long marriage.
After the divorce, she always kept complaining to her friends about her ex-husband. She complained about his departure, about his cruelty, and even about his new love affair. She always put: “I’m going to change her/him!” on her lips.
If the guy she’s dating doesn’t have his hand on her shoulder when he takes a picture, she shows us the picture and says, “I don’t like the stiffness of his hand, I’m going to change him. ”
If her roommate likes to cook smoky delicacies, she complains to us about her roommate and then says, “I don’t like the smell of grease, I’m going to change her.”
If she ordered a dish she didn’t like when a group of us were eating, she wouldn’t back down, she would instead say, “I don’t like that dish, and if you don’t order another dish, I won’t pay for that dish then .”
What can you tell from these details? This girl has a strong desire to control. She feels unhappy about things that are not as good as she wants them to be and has a strong attempt to change things to her liking. This habit can not be said to be bad, because in the workplace, this is a responsible attitude. But in life, for those around her, it’s an extremely painful thing.
As the saying goes, there are nine things that are not as good as they should be. It means that there are many things that are out of our control and will not go the way we like, and we have to learn to adapt, learn to respect, and learn to deal with these situations, as well as with people of different personalities.
For example, some people like to eat vegetables, some people like to eat meat, and when friends get together, they will inevitably come across a dish they don’t like. You can choose not to eat or eat less, or you can try something new and maybe not hate it so much. If you do not like to eat as a reason to make everyone unhappy, this seems to be not only the desire to control, seems to be a bit obsessive-compulsive. Over time, many of your friends won’t want to deal with you either.
Having a desire to control is not a sin. We all have a desire to control others, we all want the world to revolve around us, we all want everything to go according to the plan we have in mind. But we must also know that the earth is not centered on ourselves, and that it is impossible to have everything in our own hands.
When we were kids, maybe our parents would run over to coax us if we got into a little trouble; when we grew up, maybe our boyfriends or girlfriends would go along with our wishes if we played a little temper. The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you are doing.
Because they love you, they don’t want to see you angry; because they love you, they’re willing to open one eye and close the other, but in this world, there are too many people we interact with every day who don’t necessarily love you very much or want to do what you want. We are not always willing to do what you want, and often our desire to control turns us into bent and stubborn people.
A controlling person will sulk if his loved one doesn’t do what he wants, get frustrated if his work doesn’t meet his goals, or even start complaining if the meal he ordered isn’t as good as he thought it would be. Ever feel that such a life is full of unhappiness? Ever thought of changing? Simply change your mindset and stop making yourself so tight, you will find that there is a lot of fun in life. Regrets and flaws have their beauty, and there is an experience to be gained from every process.
Try to take many things for granted, no matter how people around you act, slowly stop making a fuss, try to look down on the outcome of many things, no matter what the outcome is, you are still alive, in a bad mood for a few hours, and start the day over. The earth will not stop rotating and rotating because of who, and the sun will rise every day as usual. It’s not a big deal, life is only a few years, for those chicken scratch things over angry you do not think it’s ridiculous? Instead of having that kind of time, why not do something you like to do?
When you let go of your mind and don’t hold on to your line so much, you’ll feel like there are still happy moments in your day. The girl who sits next to you in the office all day long is not bringing you the message “you have been waiting for a long time but did not buy the skin care products on sale because of the high price” at lunch time. Soon you will be able to have it, which you used to feel annoyed and ignore. And because you’re not grimacing anymore, people want to be with you.
Physically, a cheerful mood leads to a more balanced endocrine system and better skin; it’s also a lot of damage to your body if you’re depressed for a long time. The most important thing is that you have to be able to do this.
Our unhappiness comes from taking the bull by the horns. The more controlling the person is the more likely they are to take the bull by the horns; because things are not going as they planned and there is a discrepancy between the actual and the goal causing his depression. If they do not realize this, they will always live in this unhappiness all the time, and still feel that it is the cause of their surroundings are very poor. At this point, no one can help you but yourself.
Learn to look past the things around you, it will make you live more comfortably and perhaps, unexpectedly, more smoothly, and we need to understand that when people are magnetically compatible, you don’t have to change each other and your life will have very little friction. The first thing you need to do is to put down your inner pride and let your life stop being tight.