How to fight to improve your relationship? This is something that every couple should learn. You should know that we have seen a lot of things that hurt each other when you are angry at your head and say things that are not right. The actual fact is that you’ll be able to get a lot more than just a couple of days. You have to get the hang of it.
A couple or a couple living together every day will inevitably have a spoon on the edge of the pot, so a fight is inevitable. The actual fact is that you will be able to get a good deal on your own, especially if you’re not a fan of the idea. It can also cause a certain psychological shadow to the child. The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you are doing.
First, the couple should come to an agreement that once the fight is unbearable, both sides should calm down, and research has found that when people are angry, they are most likely to be impulsive and often say and do the wrong things, so they must calm down for a minute. for a minute.
Second, men need to know how to be humble. The woman is weak in society, in fact, in the family is also weak, they are busy every day, physically and mentally very tired, so the man in the family some unnecessary small things, can be modest to give way, never because of a little thing to go and her quarrel endlessly.
Third, women should know how to understand. Men, as the backbone of the family, are under a lot of pressure and may want a warm hug or the ability to have a hot meal when they get home, so women should not impose some of their thoughts on them at some point and let them know in a way they can accept.
Fourth, never say hurtful things like divorce or breakup when you fight. I think it’s not a matter of principle, just the little things in life, quarrel, let each other understand how you think, so that he can care more about your ideas in the future, correct is, and if you say the words divorce or break up, let people very sad.
Fifth, after two quarrels no matter who it is, if you feel you are wrong and do not want to admit it, remember to use humor to break the calm at this time, whether it is a man or a woman, if they are amused at this time, it means that their anger is gone, maybe just because of what The man or woman, if they are amused at this time, it means that their anger is gone, perhaps just because of what has been quarreled have been forgotten, now this laugh all the unpleasant is gone.
Sixth, quarrel is not the purpose, the most important thing is to find a solution to the problem, so after the quarrel two people should exchange more ideas, let the other person know why you are angry, why you will be angry, in the future life will pay attention to the problem to get the final solution is the most important. The solution is the most important.
What to avoid in a fight
The truth is that speaking out of turn in an emotionally charged The truth is, it’s a common problem for people to speak out of turn when they’re emotional. This is nothing to be denied. Many couples refuse to admit their mistakes afterwards for what they said in the heat of the moment, simply because they don’t want to lose face in front of each other. This also has to do with the aggressive attitude of the justified party. If you want to avoid this kind of emotion, it is wise to retain an ounce of sanity in the moment of the fight.
1. Do not avoid, expand, or limit the time and topic. The essence of avoidance is confrontation, is not confident, is helpless; not confrontation is not avoidance, but you can take some skills, such as temporary withdrawal. It is best to learn the skill of humor in married life, or even to limit the time of the argument, “You talk, I’ll listen to you”. Even if there is some argument, “OK, then let’s argue for 20 minutes, you talk first, I’ll talk later”, limited time.
2. No rehashing, no accusations, no “you always ……”” Every time ……” such statements. Use open-ended statements: “I think …… you see it” to clarify the issue, to explore “how you are more satisfied?” Then try it out for a week or a month. Why do fights escalate? It’s often a case of rehashing old scores and labeling “you’re always like this”.
One of the arts of communication in a fight is not to start with “you”, not to say you, but to say “I”. The first thing you need to do is to say that your emotions will not make the other person resist, more about your feelings, less about your awareness, so many of us tend to be numb to our own feelings and often say what we think.
In the middle of a fight you say your own feelings, like “I feel a little aggrieved that you understand me so well”, then the other person will want to understand why they are aggrieved and will listen to you. Say how you feel and then add “What do you think?” The tone of inquiry, to give the other side the opportunity to defend. As the saying goes, “A couple doesn’t spend the night fighting”, which means don’t fight cold. It is important to turn the fight into a communication process, to clarify the issues, to inquire about the outcome, not to have to distinguish who is right and who is wrong, because the family is a system and it is often the system that goes wrong.
3. State the “my message. There are three steps to stating “my message”: First, describe the behavior that you find disturbing, for example, you’re running out of gas on my motorcycle. Describe only the behavior itself, not the person who is blaming the behavior. Second, state how you feel about the possible consequences, for example, I am angry. Third, state the consequences. For example, I may be late for work in the morning because I have to go get gas.
The communication model for “my message” is as follows: When ……, I feel… …, because ……, without such common sense, the possible language is: “Why are you like this? Pissed me off. And you don’t know to fill up the gas.” There are times when a wife says to her husband, “Why are you so lazy? Can’t you do more work?” Then we have to change the sentence that starts with “You” to “I”, “I want you to help me?” Instead of saying, “You’re lazy,” we don’t evaluate, we don’t say “you” but “I.”
How do you express the gasoline thing? “I felt angry when I realized I was running out of gas because I had to fill up the next day at work and I was worried about being late that way”, when it feels like you’re talking about the thing not the person, about the thing not the person, so that the other person can easily accept it.
In fact, arguing is an effective way for two people to communicate in the midst of friction. As the saying goes, a couple that doesn’t quarrel is not a real couple, and that’s the truth. It’s just that at the time of a quarrel, it’s easy to forget the original purpose and get caught up in the other person’s off-the-cuff words. The topic is then sidetracked, and the communication effect of the quarrel is naturally greatly reduced, and may even backfire.
Both couples and lovers should learn to control themselves when they fight, so that they are also protecting their relationship.