What is the most painful thing after a breakup, trying to forget but can not forget. Did not break up, do not feel each other in each other’s lives left such a deep shadow, how to get out of the shadow of lost love? Maybe going back over and over again will help you.
Breaking up isn’t easy, and getting out of the shadow of a broken relationship is even harder. Friends may advise you to stop thinking about the past, but new research shows that repeatedly recalling thoughts and emotional experiences from a breakup can instead speed up emotional recovery.
Recreating yourself out of a breakup
In a relationship, people’s s self-concept (note: i.e., one’s experience of one’s own existence) is largely influenced by one’s partner, and falling out of love can be disruptive to one’s self-concept. Therefore, recreating an independent self-concept is the key to getting out of the pain of a breakup.
Researchers chose a total of 210 young people (46 of them men) who had experienced a breakup in the past six months to participate in the experiment. Larson described, “We only selected people who had experienced a breakup in the recent past for the experiment because we believe that for most people, this is the most painful period of time after a breakup.” The researchers randomly divided them into two groups, with members of the first group having to complete a series of tasks over a nine-week period to track and record their mood changes, which included questionnaires, interview-style emotional expressions and more; members of the second group were given only two questionnaires at the beginning and two at the end of the experiment, and the only emotional expression at the end of the experiment. In the emotional expression task, subjects were given one minute of free expression based on four questions about their breakup experiences displayed on a computer screen and recorded on a digital recorder, and the researcher then analyzed the subjects’ language use.
Being in love and being out of love can leave you in a completely different state of mind, even when dealing with the same person.
The results showed that the first group of subjects were more likely to come out of the breakup and recovered better overall. Their self-concept recovered better, and this would help reduce the individual’s distressing emotions and feelings of isolation. In terms of the language used by the subjects in their emotional expressions, the first group also used singular first-person pronouns (“I”) and plural first-person pronouns (“we”) less frequently than the second group, while previous research has shown that the heavy use of singular and plural first-person pronouns implies that people are less accepting of the fact of a breakup and less able to adjust emotionally after a breakup. Therefore, frequent flashbacks to the breakup experience can lead to faster healing of the “love wound.
While there was a large difference between men and women in the experiment, the researchers analyzed the data separately for women and men and found that the results were no different than before. Larson explained, “It is common in psychological research to have more female participants than male. We did, however, treat the experimental data separately for males and females. So we don’t think that the sex ratio difference had a significant effect on the results of the experiment.”
Repeated flashbacks help get over a breakup
Researchers It’s difficult to know exactly what factors contribute to this effect, but Larson speculates, “It could be related to the person standing in a third party’s shoes and objectively recalling their breakup; or it could simply be that by recalling it over and over again, a story is conceived, and the episode in which the main character of the story eventually comes out of the shadow of the breakup could also have a healing effect on the person. In addition there are studies that show that people usually recover faster than they think after a breakup. So just analyzing their current situation may make people realize that they’re actually doing quite well.”
So what are some similar ways for the average person to get out of a breakup faster in real life? Larson describes: “People can repeatedly recall and track their recovery process after a breakup. For example, one can do a weekly assessment of emotions and reactions to the breakup and record it; one can also write down one’s breakup multiple times, as one would tell a story to someone else; or one can even ask a friend to help by recording how one’s thoughts and feelings change over time.”
When asked if the phenomenon also occurs in divorce or other traumatic events, Larson said, “We don’t know yet, but I think one thing to keep in mind is that in post-traumatic recovery, it’s important not to intervene too early. Some research shows that starting to try to emotionally resolve a painful experience too early may cause a person to get caught up in thinking about it and make it more difficult to get out of the pain in the long run. So perhaps having subjects 1-2 years after the divorce, rather than 1-2 months, participate in the experiment would have yielded similar results.”
Next, the researchers plan to analyze data from other experiments in the project to see what the connections are between the emotional, cognitive, and physical dimensions of recovery. For example, do these indicators tend to change in tandem, or is there a certain order, such that some people may have recovered cognitively but still face a lot of stress physiologically. Larson mentioned, “I also wanted to understand whether reframing a clear and independent self-concept would have a larger range of positive effects, such as promoting physiological health.”
Loss of love is also a required course for us
What do we have to do in the required course of losing love?
Knowing why you broke up
Most people who fall out of love actually know very well the reason for this, whether it is their own reason, or the lover’s reason, or the third party’s reason, and need to recognize the reason first, with objective ideas to analyze the reason for the breakup, which is the first step to alleviate the pain, of course, after the reason is analyzed you will still suffer, but this in reason, you have first clearly understood. Most people who fall out of love can do this.
Don’t start another relationship right away
Breakups make the mistake of The right thing to do is to allow six months, or a year, after the breakup to truly let go of the previous relationship before considering a new one.
Indulgence in moderation
Many friends who fall out of love will borrow alcohol The first thing you need to do is to get drunk, and then in the morning, you are once again in the pain, every lost love must go through this stage, I do not oppose you to indulge, when indulged, you will find that the same can not solve the problem, the pain remains, so when indulging, to stop in moderation, do not let yourself leave too much regret.
Love is a mandatory course for us, so there must be a chapter of lost love in it. These elements are something that everyone has to go through and learn to overcome. In a way, only by learning to come out of a lost love can you appreciate the feelings you have more.