Many people have the impression that women like to show off their little smarts. And nowadays, society also propagates the need to operate a relationship. Management, that is, there is the tricky part. Feelings, can it be like that? Sometimes it can be good for the relationship; sometimes, it can unknowingly destroy the relationship between two people oh.
We’re used to being clever
After a fight you must The other party to apologize to prove that they occupy the initiative in the relationship; Valentine’s Day boyfriend is not a good boyfriend if he does not send a gift; the performance of love you is to use money to show … women, do you have this perception? Many women are like this, if the man does not respond, she keeps saying through various hints. In other things, also not willing to take the initiative to communicate, but discontent. Like through a variety of techniques and test men, in order to feel that the man is really love you. Is this really good?
Perhaps watching too much of “Legend of Concubine” has made girls think that fighting is the only way to win in a relationship, and that smart skills are more important than the foundation of a relationship. However, the truth is just the opposite: small intelligence only becomes a stumbling block to marriage!
Perhaps it’s a result of changing social attitudes that we, both men and women, are fixated on the idea that certain behaviors and things must mean something. Have you ever thought about it? The other person actually didn’t even get the signal you sent.
There’s nothing wrong with two people being affectionate, but if you don’t see the other person’s reaction or it becomes an obsession, it can get in the way.
What’s clever
The following scenes look familiar to you?
A few years ago, on the eve of my anniversary with my wife Bonnie, a “funny” thing happened: Bonnie wanted me to buy her a bouquet of flowers, but she didn’t want to say so. So she picked a beautiful vase and put it in the place where we changed shoes at the door. As you can imagine, I noticed it as soon as I walked in the door that day when I got home. But to me, it was really just a vase. I said to Bonnie, “Wow, that’s a beautiful vase! And then it was time to do what I was doing.
Bonnie was disappointed. The next day, she put another empty vase in the same spot …… so for a week straight, and I had little reaction. Finally, she couldn’t resist! On the seventh day, Bonnie put a big, big vase in the entrance place, almost tripped me when I entered. I was furious: What’s wrong with you? Why are you blocking the road with a vase? Bonnie was also furious: I just want you to buy me some pretty flowers, don’t you think these empty vases need some flowers in them?
You see, women always want the other person to pick up on their needs from subtle signs, and it looks rather like an emotional intelligence test, and maybe he passes once or twice, but there are no constant winners on any battlefield. If a woman insists on using small smarts to pry open a man’s simple mind so she can get what she wants, then instead of creating romance, such behavior can easily be botched.
Why does cleverness cause arguments?
Women understand that the easiest way to let a “dumb” man know you want a bouquet of flowers is to just tell him. However, the reason you don’t do this is because you give a lot of psychological meaning to the “flower” thing: whether he loves you enough, whether he can take the time and effort to guess what you’re thinking, whether he’s willing to pay for you …… The biggest killer of a perfect relationship is expectation, and we The biggest killer of a perfect relationship is the expectation, and we have various unrealistic expectations and requirements for our partners, such as to be able to detect your inner needs at any time, to meet all your fantasies and expectations of love, etc. If you have been a big fan of romantic idol drama, if you have been holding the prince and princess fairy tale in reality, then I suggest you find a documentary about love and marriage to watch it. You will find that there is no Leonardo DiCaprio’s touching love story, no Juliette Roberts’ clever tricks to win love, just real imperfections.
It’s an effective therapy for lowering expectations.
Being clear about what you want to be happy Of course, lowering expectations doesn’t mean you have to want nothing. Wise women know that men are actually always ready to meet a woman’s needs, because seeing a loved one fulfilled is the pinnacle moment in his life! However, this win-win situation requires a prerequisite that the woman knows exactly what she wants and expresses it precisely.
There is a fable about love: A man thinks a woman loves apples and pours out his family’s money to buy her lots of them. Unbeknownst to him, what women love to eat is actually bananas. As for how this misunderstanding arises, there are actually a variety of reasons: sometimes, we lose ourselves in the advice of friends, such as emotional frustration when looking for a close friend to confide in, they give advice may bring negative effects, so that you give up the desire to adhere to; sometimes, we will miss the right choice in the climb, such as a bouquet of flowers to meet the emotional needs, after seeing the diamond ring on the hands of others Sometimes, it’s purely because we simply can’t figure out what our needs are, so no matter what the other person does, they can’t satisfy you ……
Let go of the Let go of the smarts and let your marriage and yourself grow
When we expect something from our relationship and it’s not being met, we often tend to blame our partner for failing to meet our needs properly, and smugly use some smarts to “These practices are just to prove the other person’s love. But with a little introspection, you will see how your beliefs and habits can affect the development of your love life. If you can stop looking outward for reasons and take time to look inward, you will see patterns of behavior that will not only help you take responsibility for your life, but also help you create the love-filled life you most want to have through your own efforts.
At the end of the day, gender relationships are like the mirror effect, where what you want from them reflects exactly what you lack inside. So instead of spending your time and energy on being clever, pay attention to your needs, which will help you improve yourself and create a more positive love energy.
If the other person just laughs at the little game and is happy to play along, that’s how two people can communicate. If the other person is disgusted by it and you insist, this will only invite conflict.
Perhaps in the modern world, it is better to watch and listen to what you say than to take a substantive love test and draw your own conclusions and be proud of them. I do not know how accurate the test of love is? Can feelings be tested? The answer is in everyone’s mind. The basis of feelings is sincerity, warming up by trust, communication and tolerance. Do you think so?