In fact, family disputes, spousal arguments, etc. often have no fixed answers; they are purely about perspective, not about right and wrong. People who “argue” struggle to understand what the other person really means during the argument, or to compare where the gap is between them ……
One, it’s hard to avoid fighting between couples
Couples are not only different in gender, but also different in personality, ideas, and habits. When in love, each other still have the opportunity to cover up; married, living together, interacting frequently, large and small conflicts are inevitable. The first thing you need to do is to make a big fuss about these conflicts, and it’s a mistake to think that if you have an argument, it means that two people are not suitable for each other.
On the contrary, it is not normal to think that a happy marriage is one in which the two people never argue, so when there is conflict, they have to be extremely tolerant and make every effort to maintain a superficial state of peace.
In fact, couples should look at arguments in a positive light. Couples who “know” how to fight (i.e., who know the principles of fighting) will have better relationships with each other and will fight less often.
Two, fighting is a matter of “perspective” rather than “right and wrong. strong>
The main reason couples argue is because they think there must be only one answer. The basic mindset of the arguer is “I must be right about this, and my significant other must be wrong.” The problem is that when both people think this way, the fights are endless.
People who “can’t argue” try hard to disprove each other in the course of an argument, just to prove that they are “right”.
Three, couples should argue “emotionally” rather than “reasonably”
Three, couples should argue “emotionally” rather than “reasonably. strong>
The characteristic of a general quarrel is to argue for reasons, so desperately catch the other party’s speech disease, find out the other party’s logical flaws, focus on the fire and attack it, so that the other party has no room to fight. The problem is that the process of “arguing” often “hurts the feelings”, winning the reason often makes the other party more to you no feelings only. The problem is that the process of “arguing” between couples is often “hurtful”, and winning the argument tends to make the other person more unfeeling towards you.
4. Never argue in front of a third party
Quarrellers In order to confirm that he is right, he often likes to complain about the third party outside the bureau, hoping that others will support him. And in order to gain more sympathy, it is necessary to constantly mention the faults of the spouse. This habit of accusing the spouse in front of the third party is extremely destructive to the couple’s relationship and must be avoided at all costs by the couple, otherwise they will be the ones who suffer.
The person who “fights” only wants the couple to deal with their conflict face-to-face, not in front of their parents, friends, or colleagues, so that the likelihood of recovery is increased.
Five, never win
Couples quarrel regardless of who wins and who loses The fact is that there is no winner, both sides are losers. The fact is that there is no winner, and both sides are losers. When you have to fight, people who fight are at best just “on point” and never want to win.
A few years ago, a study of abused wives in the United States found that the common denominator among battered wives was that they always beat their husbands in every fight. And since the gentlemen could not get a sense of superiority or achievement in words, they had to fight with their fists. It is clear that not only is there no substantial benefit to winning the argument, but it may invite a severe beating.
People who can argue give each other leeway in everything and let each other have a step to take, while people who can’t argue want to drive each other to extinction at all times.
Six, tell the truth about what happened, don’t add to your feelings
A fight must be for a reason. People who “know” how to argue focus on the story of what happened and let the other person know their situation and needs, while people who “don’t” argue like to exaggerate that they are angry, so they often use the most radical adjectives to anger the other person.
For example, a stay-at-home mom has no time to organize the house because she has four young children, leaving it in disarray. If the husband knows how to “argue”, he can tell the truth about the problem. For example, “Ma’am, you must be so busy that you don’t even have a clean bowl at home!” When the wife hears this, she may feel guilty and wash the dishes.
A husband who doesn’t argue would say, “You’re a lazy, sloppy woman who’s as dirty as a pig ……” A big fight in the family is inevitable.
7. The one who admits defeat first is the brave one
A quarrel, since it is The best way to avoid a quarrel is to avoid it. The best way to avoid a quarrel is to acknowledge that the other person’s opinion may be better than your own. This response requires enough self-confidence, and maturity, to do it, but it’s worth learning from everyone.
Conceding to one’s spouse is definitely not a loss, but a gain. And when a spouse hears the other person give in first, he or she should never say, “I told you you were wrong, and you didn’t admit it until now!” Instead, give your spouse more encouragement and respect, and then the next time you argue, your spouse will be more willing to give in first.