Why is it called a “backup”? If you think it means a backup option, you’re wrong! Because people who know about car spare tires will know a detail – the spare tire that comes with the purchase of a car is smaller than the original tire, and can only be used temporarily instead, not for long. Why is it that such a dumb kind of role is not yours?
One, there’s nothing to be done
A friend of a friend did After seeing the data, I felt that this person had a good temperament and helped him analyze his personality traits and the key points to pay attention to in the workplace. At the end of the exchange my friend said he was now chasing someone he was interested in, and I added: “Personally, I would advise your friend to beware of getting into a ‘spare tire’ situation.”
My friend was a bit surprised to hear that his friend had indeed become a “spare tire” in the past few relationships, and in the eyes of onlookers, he had the potential to repeat the same mistake in the present. The possibility of repeating the same mistakes ……
Because I’m not doing counseling, I can’t ask much and don’t have to ask much about this friend’s specific situation, but for the ” I can’t ask more, and I don’t need to ask more about the specifics of this friend, but for the “spare tire”, I can’t help but talk about the ins and outs of it.
2: 2em;text-align:left;”>While few people look forward to or are happy to be in the role of a “backup,” it is undeniably a great and essential relationship component.
In real life, there is a group of people who have a very similar role to that of a “spare tire”: the gods and Buddhas who are worshipped in Taoist temples and temples. This is the first time I’ve ever seen a woman in the world. That is really come to burn incense of good men and women is not every day, because these people are neither monks nor Taoists, are in the “begging to the gods” when to pray for blessings, and then is in the wish after the wish to come back to “return the wish”, of course, some Of course, some people may not even do this step.
Now when you look at the “spare tire”, it is easy to see that he is indeed great, because although they are mere mortals, they do a better job of “responding to requests” than they do. “This is something that they do better than any god or Buddha – calling on them, waving them away, working without pay, enjoying themselves, never slacking off ……
Three, what people are very “spare tire” potential
Why is it called a “backup”? If you think it means a backup option, you’re wrong! Because people who know about spare tires will know one detail – the spare tire that comes with the car is smaller than the regular tire, and can only be used temporarily instead, not for long.
For those who are interested in this detail, you can find out for yourself, and I won’t dwell on it here.
What is missing? From the perspective of TA interaction analysis psychology, it is the lack of energy other than that of a “caring parent. In other words, someone who has significantly more “caring parents” than the other four energies is at greater risk of becoming a “backup”.
4. Caregiving is not all about relationships
We often We often encounter situations where someone doesn’t want a gentle, caring “backup” and instead begs to fall for a grumpy, chicken-scratching scumbag …… The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
As implausible as it may seem, it is well explained by the ego state of the TA interaction analysis – caregiving is only one form of stimulation, and one has a need for all five types of energy stimulation.
For example, some people like to be disciplined, which is stimulated by “controlling parents”; some people like rational communication, which is stimulated by “adult self”; and some people like to play. “Some people like to play and be playful, which is echoed by the “free child”; some people like to be active and controlled, which is echoed by the “submissive child”.
V. The temporary need to be cared for
If a person’s If a person’s preference is not to be a caregiver, that means that the “backups” with higher “caregiving parents” are not their “thing” at all. If this is the case, then why would you find a “spare tire”? It’s not enough to find the right one for your taste? The answer to this question is that the “spare tire” is the perfect “comfort” for a person who is frustrated.
This is better explained by TA interaction analysis. Just like a sick person with no taste in their mouth always wants more salt, a person will naturally have a greater short-term need for care after a blow. This explains why some people look for one or even several people as “backups” even though they know there will be no feelings and no results. It also explains why people around them and the “backups” themselves seem to have done so many good and praiseworthy things, but in the end they still “don’t end well.
Six, wake up from the illusion sooner
It has to be said The “backups” fall into a delusion from their role, and if they don’t wake up, they have to ask “Why?” over and over again in grief and pain.
To put it bluntly, it’s time to stop the habit of “mothering” under the energy of the “caring parent”. The first thing you need to do is to find out the psychological needs of the other person, and to use five kinds of energy to stimulate each other, rather than one. This is the way to build a truly intimate and strong relationship.