Premarital women usually have 5 major fantasies that they think they will get along after marriage as they did during their relationship. They also think that after marriage men will also be used to compromise in front of her as when they were in love. In fact, it is often these 5 fantasies that are most harmful and always make women hurt after facing the reality.
Fantasy #1: You’ll get used to sharing each other’s interests
Fact: You think you’ll lovingly accept everything about each other and take his interests as your own. You fantasize that you’ll be able to hold your heads together and be in harmony, a fantasy that you’ll never want to experience the power of steering a horse with him after you’ve been bruised and battered by a stubborn horse. By contrast, you’d much rather curl up at home on the couch, cuddling your well-behaved puppy and watching soap operas while he scoffs at your interest.
Mood rescue: Instead of forcing yourself to share his interests, it’s better to have a never-ending supply of fresh topics to talk about because of your different interests, and it’s enough to just be there for each other when they need you to share their happiness or pain with them. Each having their own separate mental space will bring both parties closer.
Fantasy 2: No matter what disagreement occurs, you will come up with a compromise
Fantasy 2: No matter what disagreement occurs, you will come up with a compromise
Fact: You’ll find that after marriage your husband will carry on with you over the smallest things, and you’ll become calculating yourself.
Mood rescue: You can’t tell who’s right and who’s wrong in a fight, so don’t expect you to make peace and work out a compromise solution that satisfies both of you, and don’t ever expect him to be like you, who can’t wait to get home to visit your mother every weekend. And you don’t have to force yourself to agree with the lousy stock he’s ready to buy. When a disagreement occurs, only when one of you makes concessions and tolerates for a while, your life can say goodbye to the war. That’s when peace of mind is more important than anything else!
Fantasy #3: You’ll still be chasing each other on the phone every day like you used to when you were temporarily separated by business trips
Mood Rescue: In fact, what’s wrong with that? The only way to keep your body healthy is to breathe freely, and that’s true for marriage too!
Fantasy 4: After marriage, you will be eager to cook each other’s favorite meals and be happier to see him eat them than you are
Fantasy 4: After marriage, you will be eager to cook each other’s favorite meals and be happier to see him eat them than you are
indent:2em;text-align:left;”>Fact: Unless one of you has a persistent love of cooking, sooner or later you will both abhor cooking and put off doing the dishes after the meal. Some women are also often angry with their husbands for taking it upon themselves to eat her favorite dishes, so it seems that the scenario of love as sustenance is just a pre-marital blip.
Mood Rescue: Marriage is a joint effort between two parties, which should also include working together to run your dinner table. It’s also the fairest way to solve the cooking problem.
Fantasy 5: After marriage you will still have long talks all night long from time to time like you did before marriage
Fact: After marriage you realize that your husband seems to have said everything he had to say to you before marriage, and he always responds to your chatter with the briefest of words. Sometimes he even turned a deaf ear and pretended to be deaf. Of course you will have moments where you talk all night, but it will probably be an all-night brawl.
Mood rescue: Not getting enough sleep is not good for your physical and mental health, and talking all night should not be as much fun as having a good sex session and then cuddling. If you’re really lacking in conversation, add some opportunities to eat out, or talk for a while while you do chores and watch TV, or you can keep a notebook and write down what you want to say that’s important to each other, and over time, you’ll see that you’re not talking any less than you did all night long.