Interaction between people inevitably generates conflict or distance, at this time, the person who can break the deadlock or close the distance with one sentence is a master flirt, are you a master or a loser?
Psychology on flirting
The confidence that a flirtatious person possesses can be traced back to early patterns of attachment that Ta formed with her parents. The German psychologist Brigitte? In his book “The Art of Flirting”, Busenkopf says that our mother is our first flirting partner, just as we can recognize ourselves with our own eyes in the mirror. At the same time children can learn some satisfying interpersonal behaviors from the mother as a role model: smiling, eye contact, interpersonal warmth and tenderness, confidence and trust.
If we grow up feeling worthy of love in our parenting, for example, boys interact smoothly, freely and equally with their mothers, girls can easily spoon with their fathers, etc. We will be more confident in our gender interactions.
“If you don’t flirt with a woman, she says you’re not a man; if you flirt with her, she says you’re not a superior man.” Eileen Chang’s words can be interpreted in this way today, everyone loves to be enveloped by a sense of ambiguous intimacy. Flirting is a way of living lightly, seeking a piece of free movement in an overly heavy reality.
Are you a flirt?
1. Get closer to strangers
“When I park in the company garage, make a face at the man whose parking space I’ve taken, and his anger subsides.”
–Bai, 23, fashion editor
“In the elevator, I ran into Xiao Wu from the technical department and immediately stared at him and said: Your hair is more handsome than Daniel Wu. He was so happy that he quickly fixed my computer problem within a day.”
-Amy, 30, director of a sales department at a foreign company
-Amy, 30, director of a sales department at a foreign company
Tip: This kind of flirting is not the same as flirting between the sexes, and contains no hints or implied next sexual cues. The right amount of “flirting” can make you a popular figure in the workplace, and flirting doesn’t imply intimacy beyond your workplace relationship; it’s a lubricant for human relationships.
2. Take the initiative to break the ice
“When talking about business, I met a stereotypical female customer, meticulously flipping through the contract, and the atmosphere almost froze. I thought for a moment and said to her: You are so engaged when you work, but you look more beautiful when you smile than when you work seriously. Her expression eased up a lot.” -Lu Qin, 35, sales manager
“When I met a new friend of the opposite sex at the dinner table, I offered to take out my phone and say: Do you want to see a picture of me going skiing this weekend? I’m pretty good at teaching people how to ski, so when can we go together?” –Jing Zhang, 21, student
Hint: Sometimes the atmosphere is stiff not knowing what to say or what to do next, and this is when small talk or flirting can effectively break the deadlock. This is also a master of the realm of oh. The flirtation is actually an interpersonal art, and the softness it creates avoids the damage of being too hard and losing wiggle room that comes with communicating in a straight line manner.
3. Quietly compliment each other to make him feel good
“My neighbor on the train was a pedantic intellectual, and I said to him in a sincere and envious tone: you have attractive eyes. But I suppose you’ve often heard a lady compliment you like that. Then we chatted warmly and had a wonderful time on the journey.” -Lily, 25, graduate student
Hint: Especially for people you don’t know very well, what to talk about because you don’t know each other and don’t know each other’s taboos and hobbies? The weather, recent social hot topics, some social phenomena or what’s happening around you are good mouths to feed. Psychologists believe that we can learn how to flirt to develop our sexual selves and overcome timid personalities, this freedom will be more conducive to their own enjoyment of true intimacy, but also to create a cordial and lively social atmosphere in social intercourse. In a casual, intimate, full of admiration to compliment the person you want to distance, do not be too serious. If your compliment is even a little less than sincere, the effect is sometimes even better.
4. Use body language to show closeness
“When you’re chatting, a girl’s hand on a guy’s wrist will make you feel better about each other, and I’ve tried this secret time and time again!” -Lulu, 27, corporate employee
Tip: If words get you straight, body language can assist in conveying your feelings. Words and body language together better express how you feel about the person. Body language can convey a wealth of emotion; you can look into the other person’s eyes while listening, you can tap their arm in a cheerful conversation to show your friendship. Of course, these techniques must be used subtly and carefully, and it would be a little too much to step on a man’s foot under the table just after meeting him.
If you can use these techniques skillfully, then congratulations, you’ve grown to be a master flirt. If it’s unheard of or not yet proficient, then go ahead and practice.
How to flirt in the new age of online communication?
After meeting for the first time and having a great conversation, you get the following text message: How are you? It was nice meeting you, let’s meet again, I’ll pick you up at six.
You’re tempted to reply: See you at six!
You have to reply: I’d love to go, but I already have an appointment, is it okay to meet next Monday?
Why?
It’s true that you’re eager to meet him and you’re even starting to fantasize about a great relationship, but please give yourself at least a few days of space, men are as eager to establish a relationship as a hungry tiger when they’re in love and they don’t think about your feelings. The man will be in a hurry to establish a relationship like a hungry tiger, they will not consider your feelings, and you should be the one to control the pace at this time, he can not go from a stranger to your boyfriend in a few days, he should know that you have your own life and fun, your time is precious every minute.
You can’t respond with “I’m sorry I don’t have time” because you’re still expecting to be on the same stage as him.
This tactic isn’t against you going with the flow, it’s just giving the man room to move forward and enough room for yourself that you still encourage him to ask you out again, but don’t forget that you really need to reserve your time for your friends and family. It’s definitely wise to slow down at moments like this.
If the two of you meet well, he may not know what to say because he doesn’t know you or he’s nervous, so you can say, “I’m sorry I pushed you last time. That’s because my best friend asked me to go to ** place. Have you been there? There ****” will open up the conversation and get to know each other well.
All communication skills are for better communication, and flirting skills are for getting to know each other better. Through the above introduction, how many of those master techniques have you learned?