A quarrel between a couple is actually the spice of married life, but it is necessary to master a degree, otherwise it is easy to make the relationship irreparable. There are 8 bottom lines of quarrels between couples I remind you not to touch them easily, they are very lethal and will make the war more and more intense, and the consequences are often a lose-lose situation.
Fighting is an art. Some people grow from the quarrel, some get hurt, some marriages grow harmonious, and some partners resolutely separate. The difference lies in whether the two sides have grasped the degree of quarreling and whether they have crossed the following 8 red lines of the couple’s fight.
Don’t use a negative tone
“You never care about your children” and “You always forget important things” are words that negate the other person’s efforts for marriage and family. Wang Yuru, president of the Shanghai Psychological Counseling Association, told Life Time that words that negate the other person’s role, such as “a colleague’s husband is much better than you”; erase the value of the other person, such as “you can’t do anything right”; express negative expectations, such as “If you can’t go on, don’t go on, divorce” – are “angry words” that seriously affect the stability of the marriage. In fact, only when you feel valued and affirmed by the other person, and feel that your efforts are being reciprocated positively, will you respond with a positive attitude.
Don’t involve the “third party”
When an altercation occurs, anyone who is related to the other person, be it a parent, a friend, or a co-worker or neighbor, may be seen as a “raccoon”. A belly full of anger will also affect these innocent people, “we buy a house, your parents did not pay”, “your friends in addition to coax you to spend money, cheat you out, what else will do” …… British psychologists point out that quarrels involving family and friends can expand the battlefield. Don’t make something out of nothing
“You never ask my opinion, you always make up your own mind!” “Whatever you want! No matter what I do, you don’t see eye to eye.” Zheng asked her husband to order a new TV, and when it arrived, she began to complain that he didn’t respect her opinion. A civil war broke out. This dialogue is a good example of “making something out of nothing”, which is rooted in poor communication. Leng Li, a consultant at Shanghai Happy Life Marriage Consulting, pointed out that a smart wife should know how to give her husband a “sugar-coated shell”. Instead of angrily accusing each other, it is better to reason. For example, “You bought something nice, and I’m only upset because I didn’t help and it makes me feel like I didn’t do my best.”
No anger
It’s common to hear some couples complain about each other that “It’s all because you made me lose my temper and lose face” or “It’s all because you nagged me and made me miss an important call”. But you have to take the blame for your own mistakes and should not take it out on your lovers. The real intimacy is when each family member can openly reveal his or her true self, thoughts and feelings without being ridiculed, rejected or angered, according to Yuru Wang.
The past is never mentioned again
It’s easy to turn The problem is that it is easy to turn a “sesame seed” into a “watermelon”, which is difficult to end. To avoid this problem, couples should “make a deal” and agree to “not mention all the faults 1 month ago”. This way, both parties feel like they can “start over” and not carry the burden of past mistakes.
Don’t talk about “divorce”
Threats and intimidation between spouses are the most destructive. Some wives, in particular, love to talk about “divorce”. This is the most taboo issue for middle-aged couples. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
Less involvement of elders
Parents tend to have “protective mentality” that considers only the interests of their own children and ignores the interrelationship of their children in the marriage and the common interests of the couple. As a result, young couples may be in their parents’ “support”, the formation of two factions, and even induce marital power struggle, a little bit of wear and tear emotions. Therefore, it is best to avoid the elders when couples argue, and not to complain about each other in front of their parents.
Cold war is a war of attrition
After a quarrel, deliberately do not answer each other phone calls, treating each other as air, moving back to the mother’s house in a fit of anger …… cold war is like a gamble, betting on patience to see who compromises first. But the cost, is the feelings in the cooling. Cold Li tips, couples standoff if more than 48 hours, negative emotions will overwhelm love or affection, the relationship is prone to deterioration, derived from more conflicts. This is a very undesirable practice.