In our national model of emotion, marriage is generally looking for a mother. A man looking for a wife is actually looking for motherly love, is in need of a woman to give him the warm feeling of letting his guard down and feeling like a child, that he is willing to be taken in. The same is true for women, who crave generous and selfless love and care. The most reliable and faithful man for women, whether it’s a loli looking for an uncle or our common standard of marriage, is actually a “mother” – an emasculated, maternal man.
Why do Chinese people have trouble with intimacy?
Chinese parents who claim to value their children the most are actually the most likely to neglect them. Chinese parents have a very old-fashioned notion that it doesn’t matter how a child is treated when he is small, the older he is the more he should be valued and respected. Not being close as an infant, and then being blindly close as an adult, does not deal well with love and freedom.
Children are very vulnerable between the ages of three and six, and the root of many problems in adulthood come from this stage. Serious personality disorders such as schizophrenia, on the other hand, stem from severe psychological trauma before the age of six months. So the younger a child is, the more attention and love he needs from his mother, and you can’t love a baby too much until he’s one year old.
New psychoanalytic theory suggests that the mother is decisive for the child’s future emotional approach and well-being in life. Until the age of three, fatherhood can be non-existent, and the father’s role is only to support the mother and give her a sense of security, rather than a direct role for the father. However, Chinese maternity leave only gives the mother a time to recover physically, and the elderly in Chinese families have a habit of “stealing” the child away from the mother, and society and the family work together to create a separation between mother and child.
In a male-dominated society, the mother enters a family as an outsider, isolated, with the father putting his parents first and the children second, and the mother always at the bottom, emotionally. When a mother has a son, she transfers her desires with her husband to her son, who is always afraid of being engulfed by his mother’s love, so there is resistance, and the resistance results in transferring the desire to escape from his mother to his own wife. In the heavily patriarchal Chaoshan region of Guangdong, men generally do not get divorced; the wife is the mother, the responsibility.
From a psychoanalytical point of view, the wife is the legal sexual partner, and a man has shame about the well-known sex because it reminds him of his lust for his mother. Therefore, many men will find another woman outside of their wives to talk about love. In this way, a wife left at home, a mother who lacks love, has a child, a boy who wrestles with the lust from his mother, and a girl who easily becomes a projection of her mother’s “hated inner little girl.
Usually the first person we fall in love with is our mother, and if the parent-child relationship with our mother is poorly constructed, it can be difficult to handle intimacy with our significant other as adults. The inner patterns of childhood present themselves in adulthood, and this creates a cycle.
Why do lolitas love uncles?
Lolitas are always beeping for milk, they long to be included and need security, but their peers are only energetic and enthusiastic. The uncle is the mother, a “mother” without breasts. The older men are emasculated, inferior to their male strength if confronted by mature women, but the loli gives the older men a use – to breastfeed.
According to normal psychological development, if a girl has received enough love from her parents in her family of origin, she should be looking for passion and independent emotions by the time she is old enough to graduate from college. If at this time a person says to you, you do not have to work, how much money you are given every month, I will take care of you, the normal girl will generally refuse because she does not want to be bound. But the loli who loves her uncle is just physically old enough to be there, and mentally old enough to still be at the stage of exploring the world by pulling her father’s hand.
In fact, Chinese women in every era have an uncle complex. China is generally a male-dominated society, and women are insecure, both at home and in society, and simply get less attention and love compared to their brothers.
I had a visitor who told me that in some areas where patriarchy is more prevalent, there are high school students who are with older uncles, not for their money, but just to get some attention and love from these older uncles. They are often the neglected children in large families, and in relationships with older men, they will also repeat the pattern of their previously neglected relationships – that the man has a family of his own and will not pour all his attention on her alone.
Many uncles were good kids who knew what they were doing when they were kids, teenagers who were old enough that their parents didn’t have to worry about them, and that part of the child’s nature was lost too soon. The fact that they are with Lori, while “breastfeeding”, also satisfies part of the illusion of going back to childhood and is a compensation for themselves.
Why is marriage insecure?
Seventy to eighty percent of Chinese marriages are based on security. The highest level of marital security is that they have become family to each other, because a family member will not leave you, and it is very dear to think of him, but in reality, they rarely think of him either.
On security, the Chinese have a single materialistic definition, such as a house or a car. You can’t get married without a house, so the mother-in-law drives the price of housing in China.
The starting point of such a multiple choice question of choosing love and material things is wrong, why can’t there be love first and then material conditions? The Chinese are always advising those who do not have love in their marital relationship not to be greedy and not to get everything. They must not place special importance on love, but – the only thing that can really create security is love.